Vacation Fever

And another dimension of The New Normal


In a couple of weeks The Hubs and the dog and I will be getting ready to leave for our first vacation in 20 months.  That may not sound like a big deal, and it may not sound like all that long a time since we took a vacation.  But for a long time, we have been able to take at least 1 trip a year to a beachy location, and the occasional weekend trip to a cabin in the mountains near our home.  I'll admit, I've gotten spoiled.  But we work hard and those trips have been wonderful rewards for our work, as well as a way to recover from life's stresses and recharge our physical and emotional batteries.

Our last vacation was in September 2011, just about a month before our first consultation with my weight loss surgeon.  We had been to an informational seminar the month before, just to get some basic information about the process.  Our vacation was a bit of a belated 25th wedding anniversary gift to ourselves and each other, a 2 week trip to a favorite vacation spot, St. Simons Island, Georgia.  Never in our history had we been able to take 2 weeks off, and it was a glorious time of relaxation, a little sightseeing, reconnecting and, for me, hours upon hours of uninterrupted reading and crafting.  I read 3 books, completed 2 baby scrapbooks, worked on my ongoing family scrapbook project, and made I-don't-know-how-many photo note cards on that trip, as well as writing a bunch of letters.  Actual, handwritten, snail-mail letters.

Vacations for us have traditionally been a "sleep-all-we-want-eat-what-we-want-and-when-we-want-it" proposition.  A big indulgence for me on trips has been junk cereal.  Prior to surgery I was a big cereal eater, but for years my cereal of choice was low-fat granola.  Not a bad choice, but all carbs, and not part of my food plan any longer.  Vacations were the time when I allowed myself the treat of what I call Kooky Poofs (my generic name for sweetened wheat puffs like Sugar Smacks, Super Golden Crisps and the like).  Oh, how I loved me some Kooky Poofs!  Of course, there were other treats as well...cookies and crackers that we didn't usually keep around the house, Little Debbie snacks for the road trip down and back, all manner of unhealthy foods.

So, I am naturally feeling a little...not afraid, exactly, but a bit nervous, about how to integrate The New Normal into our vacation fun.  The Hubs has been on his own journey of shrinking, without surgical intervention (and he's doing great at it, by the way), so he may be wondering about our new food and fitness routines as well.  The only thing I've mentioned to him so far is that I want to climb the lighthouse this trip.  He climbed it once on an earlier trip during another period of weight loss for him, and did great.  I've never done it and I look forward to accomplishing this goal.  The house we have reserved for the week has a pool and I am praying that it's hotter than blazes while we're there so we can really enjoy using it.  Fun and joint friendly exercise.  A little exercise is built in when the dog joins us on a trip as well, because he needs walks a few times a day, and our little guy is going with us this trip.  He seems to enjoy the change of scenery as much as we do!

Our last trip was also 121 pounds ago for me, and at least 50 pounds ago for The Hubs.  I am thinking that has got to make a difference in our enjoyment of the trip.  Quality of life is a big part of why people decide they want to lose weight, and since my everyday quality of life is better, vacation may well be more enjoyable too.

I have always enjoyed trips with The Hubs and taking a break from the routine.  But honestly, there have been humiliations along the way in some of the places we've stayed over the years...bathtubs I couldn't fit into, steep staircases that hurt my ankles and hips, having to make sure our restaurant choices had tables and not just booths.  I am a lot more comfortable and confident in approaching new environments now because I can fit my body into smaller spaces.  The house we've reserved is the one we stayed in the last time we went there in 2011, so it isn't a truly new environment, but other places on the island may be as we may wish to do more exploring than we have in the past.  There are many places I want to see and photograph, and now that I have more energy, I may actually go and do that!

Our food choices will need to be healthier ones, while not feeling like we're totally depriving ourselves.  Moderation in these things is very important, including knowing when a little splurge is permissible.  I am learning along the way that I can allow myself the occasional small treat without wrecking my stomach and my program completely.  It just needs to indeed be occasional and small.  So...

Maybe a very small box of Kooky Poofs?

I'll let you know what I decide!  

Stretching...Body, Mind And Spirit

Exercises of various kinds


This week was long, interesting, and in some ways, painful.  I began the week by going to an exercise class with my gorgeous cousin, Judy, who had guest passes at her health club and shared the morning with me.  The class is called Body Flow, and it is a blend of yoga, Pilates and Tai Chi.  It lasted one hour and, while it stretched and challenged my body, I made it through the whole class without stopping and/or dying!  I consider that a victory.  I experienced some soreness for a couple of days afterward, but I expected to be sore so it wasn't a surprise.  This was much different from my normal routine of walking and resistance bands, after all.

A word about Christians and yoga.  I am only speaking for myself here.  I know many Christians think that  yoga is not appropriate for us because of its Eastern origins and emphasis on meditation.  My experience with yoga is limited, but what I enjoyed about it was the physical stretching it provided for my muscles and the improvement in flexibility I felt for days afterward as a result.  My personal meditations during the yoga classes I went to were prayers that Jesus would help me get through the class, that my body would benefit and, ultimately, that I could improve my health and serve Him better.  So judge me if you must, but yoga, if I approach it in this manner, might be the best exercise I can do.

After class, we enjoyed a healthy lunch and some much-needed girl time and conversation.  Sharing time like this with friends and family is so important, because so many areas of life pinch us into tiny corners of existence, spaces that are uncomfortable in many ways, limiting how we live our lives and express ourselves. Human beings need the spiritual, emotional and physical room to stretch, to enlarge ourselves...even as I try to reduce the size of my body I am aware of this paradox.  I need to stretch in order to shrink!

Every night this week my chorus rehearsed late for our performances with the city's symphony orchestra of Giuseppe Verdi's Requiem.  A standard of classical repertoire and one of the most demanding works in all of choral literature, the Verdi is something I had somehow never rehearsed or performed.  I am proud to say that I have survived my first experience with this work and my voice is intact!  One of the rehearsals almost did me in, however.  My back has been bothering me and I had a muscle cramp in between my ribs and a major dip in my blood sugar.  A blood sugar crash is one of the most unpleasant experiences one can imagine.  I began to feel faint, to sweat heavily and then to feel as though I might throw up.  So before the first half of rehearsal was done, I left the stage for some air, a chance to stretch my back, and a protein bar.  Not that I have a lot of color in my face to begin with, but looking in the backstage mirror was a shock because I had never seen myself that pale.  After resting and eating a bite, I was able to return for the second half and got through the remainder of practice fine, thanks in part to my friend Ronda's willingness to trade seats with me and let me move back to the second row.  I figured if I needed to sit, it would be less noticeable there, and she was gracious to let me switch seats with her.  On performance day I made sure that I ate enough throughout the day and immediately before the concert, and aside from the risers being uncomfortable (which they always are) I got through the concert feeling really good.  Singing a work that was brand-new to me was a wonderful exercise, musically, intellectually and emotionally...and singing is actually a pretty physical activity as well!

This concert concludes my chorus's spring season and we begin our summer break, so my Monday nights will be open for a few months.  I hope to find an exercise/yoga class over the summer that I can do during that time to get my body and mind stretched, limbered up and supple.  If not, my friend Sarah recommended that I start with beginning yoga DVDs, and that might be a great option at home.  I need to work on balance and flexibility in both my body and the rest of my life.

I think most of us do, if we are being honest.  So during the time on Monday nights when I am usually "gettin' my scream on!"  I will hope to start "gettin' my stretch on!".  My body, mind and spirit are a constant work in progress, and different kinds of exercise can only benefit me as I continue my journey with weight loss and spiritual growth.  

Cravings And Indulgences

Healthy and otherwise...


I can't blame it on The Cramp Fairy.  This has been the week after her visit.  I don't know what's been my problem this week, but my appetite has been out of control!  Not so much in the amounts I've been eating, but in the things I have been wanting to eat.  And I will admit to some unusual... indulgences.  I was fine over my weekend, but once my working week started, it seemed like I developed some really strong and strange food cravings.  And no, I am most definitely not pregnant.

We hear and read about premenstrual syndrome.  Is there such a thing as postmenstrual syndrome?  I know the week after The Cramp Fairy visits I usually have headaches.  This week also heralded the arrival of The Humility Pimple in one of its more glaring appearances of late.  I just feel discombobulated and out of sorts right now.  Fortunately my weekend is now underway and I can try to get myself back on the healthy wagon!

As much as anything I probably just need some decent rest.  Last Sunday I sang a solo in 2 church services, followed by the annual spring concert with my chamber group in which I also had a solo.  Even for me it was a lot of solo singing in one day.  And I enjoyed it all.  Aside from the normal activities I had an extra practice Thursday night with my chorus.  Friday night I attended a poetry reading by my college English professor, so I had a couple of late nights followed by early mornings.  And with allergy season in full swing and the fatigue that sometimes comes with those symptoms, I think it's all just started to catch up with me.

Back to the concert last Sunday, I had The Hubs take his video camera to record my solo.  It's impossible to judge what I sound like just from hearing the sounds as I make them, and I wanted to hear what my voice is sounding like since surgery and weight loss.  Such a drastic change in size can make for changes in the voice as well, and especially since singing feels so different now, I was curious to hear if it sounds as different as it feels.

Aside from a few issues with tuning where I was a little sharp, I sounded pretty good, considering.  The piece I sang seems to sit in a bit of a lower, more mellow part of my range, rather than the higher, brighter portion.  As a result of the key, my age and at least in part from the weight loss, my voice seems to sound a little fuller and richer.  At least it did on Sunday.  Who knows what a different song in a different key on a different day might produce?

As I give more careful thought to it, I realize that the creative process in my life is something I have always craved.  Webster's definition for the word "crave" includes " to yearn for", and I think that is accurate to describe my need/desire for creativity in my life.  I need it, not just to enjoy others' pursuits, but to participate in making my own.  Hearing my professor reading from his work the other night woke up something in a different, non-musical part of my creative spirit, and I find myself thinking more poetically as a result.  It's been forever since I wrote a poem (and I will be the first to admit that most of my poetry is not very good!).  Still, I think it might be good for me to start exploring this part of myself again, to indulge this poetic craving...to feed this part of my creative soul.

Who knows what future blog posts may hold?  Couplets, limericks and pantoums may be forthcoming!  All I know is this: a longtime friend told me years ago that all creative and artistic people have more than one outlet for expression, and I have seen this to be true over and over again.  Singers who write poems, poets who paint, painters who make pottery, potters who dance, dancers who play instruments...the possibilities are limitless.  But we all have this in common, that while we may have a primary focus of our art and craft, there are always more things that we enjoy doing and benefit from.  I am primarily a singer.  But I also enjoy writing, scrapbooking, cardmaking and photography.  As the spring concert season draws to a close, I hope to spend the summer exploring some of these other pursuits... indulging some of my other cravings.

 

Updating...And Downsizing

Ten Months Since Surgery


Ten months ago today, I had my weight loss surgery, so it's time for a monthly update on my progress.  To date I am down a total of 120 pounds (7 since last month's update, so this has been a better month for weight loss).  I never would have imagined that this much weight would be gone at this point, and I am grateful beyond measure.

Here ends the updating portion of this post.  Now it's time for the downsizing portion.  And I am talking about The Girls...again.

I have written in previous posts about The Girls and my many issues with their care and containment.  I had downsized into smaller bras last October, which made The Girls very happy.  In recent weeks I've noticed that they were needing once again to move into a smaller house, so I ordered new, smaller bras, which arrived in today's mail.  Once again, The Girls are very glad to have a new, better-fitting home.

One of my longstanding issues with bra fit has been my need for fuller cups and smaller bands around the ribcage.  Even at my largest/heaviest, I had an unusually small ribcage for the size cups I needed.  I was fortunate to find an Ebay seller who offers the bra I like, with a "defect" that actually works in my favor.  This seller offers factory seconds, and usually the only defect is a variance in the size of the ribcage band, either smaller or larger than factory standard.  I was able to find the size I needed, with a 3/4 inch smaller-than-standard ribcage band!  It works perfectly, giving me extra support underneath with enough fullness in the cup.

Most women in America are wearing the wrong size bra.  Usually the cups are too small and the ribcage is too large, resulting in overspillage from the cups and inadequate support from below.  Even women with smaller breasts need the proper support and coverage.  It isn't just a matter of vanity, it's a matter of breast health.  The breasts contain a complex network of milk ducts, lymph nodes and blood vessels, and the right bra, correctly fitted, is a necessity for good breast health, pulling The Girls up off the abdomen and elevating them to their proper place in the world!  In addition, the right bra, in the right size and shape for one's particular body type, relieves strain on the neck, back and shoulders, improves posture and helps clothing to fit better.  If I could, I would personally take every woman in the world to a custom fitter for the right bra in the right size.  It really makes that much difference.

Because I have a big heart under my Big Girls.

Recovery Never Stops

Something I need to keep in mind


Today I sang for a ladies group meeting at a local country club, a place where my Dad has played probably hundreds of dance gigs over the decades.  He has played trombone with numerous bands of all sizes since he was a teenager, and in every kind of venue imaginable, from the seediest dives to the swankiest clubs and restaurants.  Today was my first time to step inside this place and to sing for a group of lovely ladies who give their time and resources to this service organization.

Lunch was served, a delicious beef stir-fry with rice and vegetables.  I enjoyed my lunch and have plenty of leftovers to share with The Hubs for his supper tonight.  But I think I ate a little too quickly because I had some stomach discomfort afterward and became more than a little queasy.  I went to the ladies room and texted a quick message to The Hubs requesting prayer immediately because " I have to sing soon and I am nauseated."

These are the times when I am most grateful for modern technology.  Between e-mail, Facebook and text messaging, we can ask for immediate prayer support, what a friend of mine refers to as "sending up a prayer flare".  I was especially grateful for that chance today.  I really thought I might throw up.  The only reasons for such extreme queasiness today are that I may have eaten too fast...and The Cramp Fairy has landed.

I hate The Cramp Fairy.  I hate her like poison.

Anyway, prayer helped.  I made it through my program without vomiting and hightailed it back home.  As I changed my clothes, I spied that old pair of Levi's I've been trying to fit myself back into for a while now.  These are mid-90's-old-school-hard-core-no-stretch Levi's that I'm talking about.  I decided I'd give it another try.

I zipped myself into them!  Holy Moly, I zipped myself back into them!  And I didn't have to lie down on the bed to do it!

Since they are old-school-no-stretch jeans, I'll probably let a few more pounds drop away before I try wearing them for a day at work, which is basically 12 hours from the time I leave to the time I get back home.  The point is, I could get back in them, and I didn't really think I was there yet.

As I write this, my stomach is feeling much better, although it is making some really disquieting noises that lead me to believe I am not quite out of the queasy woods just yet.  As far as I've been blessed to travel down the weight loss path, I am not fully recovered yet, even now, nearly 10 months after surgery.  Today reminds me that I've got a long way to go, and in truth, it will never really be "done".

Even once goal weight is achieved, I'll have to be diligent to maintain it.  I will still need to work on my body's health, conditioning and strength.  I will be taking massive doses of vitamins and other supplements for the rest of my life.  I will always have to pace myself when I eat to avoid the problems of clumping and dumping.

I will always be a weight loss patient.

Easter, New Beginnings...

...and a new lease on life


Holy Week was busy and hectic, musically and otherwise.  I began the week singing with a church choir where I've been assisting as a soprano reinforcement.  Springtime where I live is challenging in some ways because of allergies, and my hay fever has started to give me a little trouble.  Compounding this issue is the fact that my allergy pill of choice is no longer available in the U.S.  (Thanks so much to all the Meth Makers of America, for using good medicine to make bad poison, thus making my particular good medicine impossible to get now.)  So last Monday and Tuesday I spent the day at home with snotty nose, sore throat and cranky disposition.  If I'm not careful, allergy congestion can settle and become an infection, either going into nose and ears or down into throat and chest.  So I stayed home and treated my symptoms the best ways I knew how.

Those 2 crash and medicine days helped enough to get me through Holy Week and Easter services with my voice more or less intact, for which I am grateful.  It's been cooler and wetter here than normal for springtime.  We actually concluded the Good Friday service outside in a chilly, misting rain.  After being "in-between" churches for a long time, it was wonderful to participate in these services and to share music with this choir and church family.

So much for the musical and spiritual life portion of this post.  On to the shrinking portion.  My Easter dress was a size MEDIUM!  Most people would not recognize this as anything especially important, but plus-size and/or formerly plus-size folk know that to fit into a size medium is a big deal indeed.  And the dress I chose was an actual springtime color, a medium blue knit with short sleeves, ankle-length, with a tie at the empire waist.  I had ordered it online from a clothing line I've worn and loved for years, from my largest size until now.  The color I wanted was not available in the size large that I thought I needed, so I prayed and ordered the medium.

I had an "epiphany" moment when I got to church and saw myself in the full length mirror inside the choir robe closet.  The dress not only fit me, but it looked really nice.  Smooth, not clingy or bunchy anywhere, no lumps, bumps or bulges showing.  It didn't even look like me!

But there I stood, looking at myself, not looking like myself...at least, not the way I used to look.  I know this post has focused a lot on the visual aspect of shrinkage.  The thing is, the outside appearance is just a visual sign of what is happening on the inside.   My body is getting healthier and stronger.  My hips and ankles feel so much better.  My heart and lungs have a better chance to work the way they are supposed to.

Springtime, and Easter especially, bring the hope of renewal, revival and a fresh start.  And that is what weight loss surgery has helped me to find, a fresh start and the hope of renewal for my health.  I am so grateful for the chance to regain a healthier life, not just for me but for the people I share my life with.