Joyful Noises

Lots of music going on right now

The next few weeks are going to be filled with music, both practicing and performing.  And while it's a commitment of time and energy, it is also one of the things I was born to do.  Mama always said when I was born I "came out singing"!  I have no memory of singing at my birth, obviously.  But I have been singing pretty much my entire life for as long as I can remember.

For the past few weeks I've been rehearsing with a local church to sing with them during Holy Week.  My friend who sings with them told me that they were looking for a soprano reinforcement for Holy Week services.  My first service singing with them was this morning's Palm Sunday service.  The choir is small but dedicated and I am enjoying my time with them.  This week we will rehearse on Wednesday for services on Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday.  With my normal chorus practice on Monday night, it's going to be a full week.

Tuesday night is my college choir's home concert which concludes their annual spring break tour, and I look forward to hearing and seeing them perform.  Many of my music fraternity students are in the choir and they have posted tour updates on Facebook.  I was an 8-semester member of this same choir when I was in college, and memories of my own tour experiences have been flooding my heart and mind as they have shared theirs.  Giving up our spring break every year to go out on tour and recruit for the college might seem like a sacrifice to some people, but it never really did to me.  I got to experience such wonderful moments of musical and spiritual inspiration, strengthening the bonds of friendship, growing in leadership and service, laughing and crying and singing.

Always singing.

There have been times in my life when I have let my singing go for long periods, rationalizing that I didn't have the time/energy/inclination to do it.  After Mama died I didn't sing for a long time.  My heart was not in it.  Before I knew it, 11 years had passed since I'd sung with my chorus!  I am so grateful that they took me back and let me sing again.  It's an honor I hope never to take for granted.

More music follows Easter, with a ladies club meeting I have been asked to do a program for on that Wednesday, dress rehearsal on Saturday for my chamber group's annual spring concert on Sunday, as well as a solo in both services before the chamber group concert.  The week after that is rehearsals for the big chorus's engagement performing the Verdi Requiem with our city's symphony orchestra.  That is a 2-night gig, but I am only singing the first night because the second night, 2 of my music fraternity students are performing their junior/senior recital and I don't want to miss that.

What an abundance of joyful noises I get to be a part of, either by singing or by listening!  And what a blessing to be able to do so.  I will pray for the strength and energy to do all of this while maintaining my day job and trying to eat healthily during the crazy rehearsal and gig schedule.  God is good and will take care of me.  He always has.

Psalm 13:6---"I will sing unto the Lord, for He hath dealt bountifully with me."

  

Tests, Trials And Temptations

Updates from recent doctor visits and testing

The results from my Slam-O-Gram came in the mail, and The Girls have a clean bill of health!  Everything there was "negative/benign" according to the evaluation, so, barring any unforeseen issues, I don't have to go back for a year.  Unfortunately, my iron check was not quite as good.  While taking the iron supplement has helped and my iron level is improved, I am still deficient/anemic, so I have to continue taking the extra iron until I get my 1-year labs drawn at the end of May.  And I will run by Dr. Awesome's office this week to get my liver panel rechecked since some of those levels were "a tad elevated" at my physical in February.

My weight plateau seems to have broken, in part most likely due to a visit from The Cramp Fairy.  It was not a particularly heavy period this time, but it was more than just spotting, and enough to trigger a 4-day headache once it was over.  My uterus is confused and so am I.  Anyway, I skipped pounds 114 and 115 and went straight to a total of 116 pounds lost to date.  I was told prior to surgery that the weight loss would slow down, so it doesn't surprise me.  It can be annoying, but I just have to stick with the plan and be patient while this last leg of the shrinking phase happens.  I have gone through way too much and come way too far to let anything derail me.

The trial of the Valentine's Day candy frenzy came and went without too much hooplah.  But the Easter candy craze has special significance and comes with more temptation, in the form of Reese's Eggs.  My Mama loved  her some Reese's Eggs (which was a little odd, since she didn't have any special fondness for the peanut butter cups that were around all year).  So the eggs were something she and I would share around Easter.  Once she became too ill to do her own shopping, I would stock her up on them, and the last Easter before she died, I bought her a big bunch of the 6-egg trays, some for right then and a lot to freeze and enjoy later in the year.  When she died in December, there were a lot of leftover eggs still in the freezer.  Dad wasn't eating chocolate and would never eat them, so I gradually worked my way through them over the course of the next year.  I even took one to Mama's grave right before Easter the first year she was gone, sat at her grave talking to her and eating my Reese's Egg, almost like a little picnic.  I was glad the cemetery was deserted because if anyone had seen this little repast they would have called the men with the white coats to "come and get this crazy fat lady talking to herself and eating chocolate!"

The Hubs knows all about my history with Reese's Eggs and why they are so special, and he very thoughtfully bought one for me the other night.  Only one, not a package, which was the thoughtful part.  And I ate it yesterday while I was at work, half in the morning and half later on.  I enjoyed it, the flavor and texture...but most of all, I enjoyed the memories of all the times Mama and I shared them.

So I yielded to a little temptation.  That is going to happen from time to time.  The difference now is that I stopped at one and was satisfied with that.  After Easter is over, the eggs will be gone for another year, but other temptations will always be around.  Stepping on the scale and seeing 116 pounds gone from my body is a big motivator to stick to the plan most of the time, and to return to it quickly after those moments when I stray a little.

Tricks Of The (Shrinking) Trade

Some things that are helping me along the way


A famous, former talk show hostess has a list of her favorite things.  We all have our favorites, items that make life easier, more comfortable, more pleasant.  As I have walked down the weight loss surgery preparation and recovery path, I've discovered, or rediscovered, a number of things that have helped to make the process better, smoother and more bearable.  So, in no particular order, I wanted to share some of those items and tips here.

1)  Chili is my friend.  Both now and during the soft-food diet phase, I have found chili to be a nutritious and tasty source of protein and fiber.  These days there are many good canned chili brands on the market, and a number of them are fairly low in fat and contain substantial amounts of protein and fiber.  I mean, really, meat and beans?  A great safe choice for weight loss patients.  Just read the label and watch for too much fat and sodium.  If you make chili at home you can control the ingredients and tailor it to your own taste buds as well.

2)  Diet V-8 Splash.  My favorite flavor is the Tropical Blend.  According to their website:  "Each 8-ounce serving has only 10 calories. Diet V8 Splash has 2 grams of sugar and 3 grams of carbohydrates per serving. An 8-ounce serving of Diet V8 Splash is a free food exchange according to the Exchange Lists for Meal Planning, 2003 by the American Diabetes Association and the American Dietetic Association."  A serving also provides 100% of daily recommended vitamin C.  I like it because it counts toward my daily liquid intake, gives me a zing of citrus and it's very good at masking the flavor and smell of the massive horse pill vitamins I need to take now.  There are other flavors to choose from as well.

3)  V-8 Vegetable Juice Cocktail, low sodium.  I have enjoyed V-8 all my life, whether I've been trying to shrink or not.  It is an easy and flavorful way to get liquid, some healthy carbs and a few servings of vegetables. An 8-ounce serving has 50 calories, 140 mg of sodium, no fat, 10 grams of healthy carbs and 2 grams of protein.  It's filling and tasty, and since I am not supposed to snack until I have reached goal weight, it also provides a way to tame my growly stomach between meals.  It's also a good source of fiber.

4)  Oberto Barbecue Pork Jerky.  A 1-ounce serving has 90 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 7 grams of carbs and a whopping 10 grams of protein.  I like the barbecue pork flavor because it is softer and less dry than other jerky varieties, and easier to chew.  It also has a bit of a baconesque quality from the seasoning that I find really satisfying and delicious.

5)  Diet drink sticks.  Weight loss patients have to stay well hydrated and drink at least 64 ounces of liquid daily.  Flavored water counts toward that daily total.  There are many brands such as Crystal Light in countless fruity and tea flavors.  Since I am off of all caffeine now, I like to mix a decaf tea flavor and a lemonade flavor together in a 32-ounce bottle, which will last me more than half the day.  Decaf tea flavor is a little less common, but it is available and worth hunting for.  I like the sticks for their small, single-serving size and portability and, much like with pain medication, I never leave home without them!

6)  Various creature comforts.  Comfy pajamas are indispensable.  Especially during the immediate post-op and recovery phase, I needed snuggly sleepwear to cradle my sore, painful body as it healed from surgery.  The rest of the time, I need cozy pj's to help me unwind from the crazy, hectic pace of the world around me.  Ditto for things like scented bubble bath and aromatherapy items.  Things like that can really enhance one's mood with a sense of calmness and well-being.  Comfortable, properly-fitting undergarments are also important, especially in the shrinking process.  Underwear and bras that fit correctly help to hitch things up and pull them in, which helps clothes on the outside to fit the way they are supposed to.  Even if "granny panties" are your undies of choice, they still need to fit properly.  Nothing much ruins an outfit like lumps and bumps from a way-too-big pair of drawers!

These are just some of the things that are helping me in the shrinking process.  Documenting the journey is also helpful, as I've been doing with this blog.  Lots of people document the process with photographs or a video diary.  For me, sharing my journey in writing seemed like the most natural choice, and I've been surprised how much it has actually helped me to work some of my "stuff" out.  Like the process of shrinking, the writing is also a work in progress, a path...a journey.  And it may be contributing to my health and wellness just as much as the weight loss is.

Finding My Voice...Again

And in more ways than one...


I sang for a celebration of life service a couple of nights ago, an annual event presented by the hospice where I volunteer.  My accompanist for the service was a fellow I met when he was a college student and member of the music fraternity for which I serve as chapter mother.  We have been in touch off and on but had not seen each other since August.  When we got to the church, I asked him to be honest about 2 things:  my outfit and my voice. 

He said my outfit was great and he really liked my boots.  After the service was over and we were having some supper, I asked how I am sounding now.  He said that he could hear that I am finding my voice in a different place now. 

I have written before in this blog about how, as a singer, my body is my instrument.  Singers don't just sing from the throat (at least, they aren't supposed to, it's not good technique and it's not healthy).  The voice comes from the core of the body, supported by a muscle called the diaphragm.  We are trained to imagine that, when we breathe, we are filling the lungs from the bottom up.  But we are not supposed to breathe very visibly.  I can't count the times my college voice professor would yell as I inhaled, "Don't let your breasts move!"  Breathing involves the ribs and intercostal muscles, the abdominals and the entire center of the body...just breathing.

Once the air has filled the lungs it is passed between the vocal folds, more commonly called the vocal cords.  And just so you know, they are not vocal chords.  They are cords, as in, little bands of muscle covered by a thin layer of mucosa, among the tiniest muscles in the human body, and the strongest.  These cords are brought together and separated by other muscles within the larynx to make sound and stop making sound.  When a person undergoes an operation requiring general anesthesia, a breathing tube is inserted down the throat, and that tube passes between the vocal cords.  Singers, teachers of singing,  radio broadcasters and other public speakers are among the people who use their voices in a very specialized fashion, and they can often tell a difference in their voices once surgery is over and recovery begins.

My own voice has felt different since surgery, and that difference has made me feel a little off-balance.  So when my friend said that he could hear that I'm finding my voice in a different place, that made sense to me.  I asked if he thought I could recover from it and he said, "I don't think it's something to 'recover' from as much as it is just something to adjust to."  My voice (or at least its mechanical process) is changing because my body is changing; making sound feels different now. Some of the differences can be attributed to my age and hormones, while others are definitely due to surgery and weight loss.

I have often read and heard about the process of writers finding their voices as well.  Writing this blog has certainly helped me to do that, at least, as much as I understand what that is!  I don't consider myself a "writer" so much;  I am just sharing my experiences and writing is one of the ways I do it.  Singing is, too.  Deep inside all of us, I believe, is a need to be heard and understood, to tell our truth and to tell it in our own one-of-a-kind way.  Singing has always been my first method of choice to fill that need.  Writing is becoming a fairly close second.  My friend was right...I am finding my voice in a different place.

Nine Months Since Surgery (Almost)

And this month has not been great for weight loss

This Wednesday will be my official 9-month surgi-versary, and as of today I am down a total of 113 pounds, which means that in the past month I have only lost about 3 pounds.  I am trying not to become too frustrated by that.  I realize that weight loss patients have plateaus, times when the body has a chance to catch up with all the changes it is experiencing.  I still have 40-50 pounds that need to come off, and this leg of the journey will go more slowly.  It's normal and to be expected.

Tuesday morning I went for my Slam-O-Gram.  I have not received my results yet, which is probably a good thing.  Several years ago, a spot showed up that required further testing, and the office called me right away to let me know I needed to come back in for follow-up.  So I am assuming that no news is good news for this year's smashing extravaganza!

Tomorrow I need to run by the surgeon's office to get blood drawn to see if my iron deficiency anemia has improved.  I've been taking an iron supplement since my checkup in December and I'm hoping that my iron level is better now.  I also have not had a major period since November, (and the November one was indeed major) which may have a positive impact as well.

Early last month I had a couple of days when I felt terrible.  I ran a low-grade fever, felt achy all over, tired and just generally unwell, almost fluish.  Then I had a couple of days of very light spotting, after which I felt better.  My hormones may indeed be taking me into menopause for real now, which I hope is the case.  I'm just ready to be done with Period Madness, The Hormone Zone, whatever one prefers to call it.

Last night my chorus and chamber chorale had our annual Young Classical Musicians Concert, the one where we give scholarships and showcase the winners of our YCM Contest.  Last night's young performers were 3 outstanding high school students who performed with great poise, musicality and immense talent.  Seeing and hearing young musicians who excel gives me hope for the future of music in our society and the world.  Last night's concert was also the debut of The Diva's new Batwings, the jacket for our concert wear.  It's wonderful to have better-fitting Batwings, and I think that I will go the extra step and get the sleeves hemmed, maybe not in time for the April concerts, but if not, then definitely over the summer.

My cousin Judy and I spent Tuesday afternoon together having lunch and girl time.  After lunch we went to her house, where she eased me into the swimsuit trying-on world again by letting me try on some suits from her swimsuit drawer.  It was nice to have an honest yet kind person with me to offer opinions on what worked for me, style-and color-wise, and especially what did not work for me.  She sent me home with one that she said worked very well for me and has a lot of adjustability so it may still work in May when we go on vacation.  Judy and I are just about the same size right now, although she is much taller and we are shaped differently.  I think Judy has a wonderful figure so it surprised me that I could now fit into some of her clothes.  Then she started pulling out other things to try on, including some jeans and a gorgeous designer dress she had bought last year and worn to a show while she was in New York.  The dress was stunning, both on her tall, long-legged body and on my shorter, curvier one.  You know a dress is well-designed when it can look wonderful on 2 such different body types!

After I got home from work Friday night, I went on a little trip down memory lane in my own closet, digging into a box of very old dresses, some from as far back as college.  I tried on several of my former favorites, and a few of them fit me again.  A few others will need to wait until I have shrunk some more, but they're close.  My "lucky dress", a green satiny jacquard number with a dropped blouson waist, fits me again almost as well as it ever did.  It became "lucky" when I wore it for vocal performer's contest my senior year of college and won.  Then I wore it again for a regional singing competition a week or two later and made the finals, something I had never done before.  Fitting my body into it again was a surprise, like an unexpected meeting with an old friend.    

So, while my numerals on the scale have not moved that much this past month, there has still been progress, and there is more progress yet to be made.  The journey is for the rest of my life.  A healthy life isn't something I can achieve and then mark off my bucket list.  It is something that I will have to choose to achieve daily, hourly sometimes, much like any other kind of recovery.  One day at a time.