Finding My Voice...Again

And in more ways than one...


I sang for a celebration of life service a couple of nights ago, an annual event presented by the hospice where I volunteer.  My accompanist for the service was a fellow I met when he was a college student and member of the music fraternity for which I serve as chapter mother.  We have been in touch off and on but had not seen each other since August.  When we got to the church, I asked him to be honest about 2 things:  my outfit and my voice. 

He said my outfit was great and he really liked my boots.  After the service was over and we were having some supper, I asked how I am sounding now.  He said that he could hear that I am finding my voice in a different place now. 

I have written before in this blog about how, as a singer, my body is my instrument.  Singers don't just sing from the throat (at least, they aren't supposed to, it's not good technique and it's not healthy).  The voice comes from the core of the body, supported by a muscle called the diaphragm.  We are trained to imagine that, when we breathe, we are filling the lungs from the bottom up.  But we are not supposed to breathe very visibly.  I can't count the times my college voice professor would yell as I inhaled, "Don't let your breasts move!"  Breathing involves the ribs and intercostal muscles, the abdominals and the entire center of the body...just breathing.

Once the air has filled the lungs it is passed between the vocal folds, more commonly called the vocal cords.  And just so you know, they are not vocal chords.  They are cords, as in, little bands of muscle covered by a thin layer of mucosa, among the tiniest muscles in the human body, and the strongest.  These cords are brought together and separated by other muscles within the larynx to make sound and stop making sound.  When a person undergoes an operation requiring general anesthesia, a breathing tube is inserted down the throat, and that tube passes between the vocal cords.  Singers, teachers of singing,  radio broadcasters and other public speakers are among the people who use their voices in a very specialized fashion, and they can often tell a difference in their voices once surgery is over and recovery begins.

My own voice has felt different since surgery, and that difference has made me feel a little off-balance.  So when my friend said that he could hear that I'm finding my voice in a different place, that made sense to me.  I asked if he thought I could recover from it and he said, "I don't think it's something to 'recover' from as much as it is just something to adjust to."  My voice (or at least its mechanical process) is changing because my body is changing; making sound feels different now. Some of the differences can be attributed to my age and hormones, while others are definitely due to surgery and weight loss.

I have often read and heard about the process of writers finding their voices as well.  Writing this blog has certainly helped me to do that, at least, as much as I understand what that is!  I don't consider myself a "writer" so much;  I am just sharing my experiences and writing is one of the ways I do it.  Singing is, too.  Deep inside all of us, I believe, is a need to be heard and understood, to tell our truth and to tell it in our own one-of-a-kind way.  Singing has always been my first method of choice to fill that need.  Writing is becoming a fairly close second.  My friend was right...I am finding my voice in a different place.