Drama, trauma, bloodwork and visiting Comfort Food Land
September 6 was my 15-month surg-i-versary so I am a few days late writing this post. But I waited on purpose so I could share an update from my last bloodwork. I had blood drawn twice last week, once at Dr. Gut-Check's office, my GI doctor. We have been watching my liver levels for a while and done various tests since my physical in January, when a couple of my levels were elevated. Good news from Dr. Gut-Check! My liver levels have improved since my last check in July and are almost completely back to normal.
My second blood test as for nutrient levels, specifically protein, iron and vitamin K. All those levels are still low since my last check 3 months ago, but no lower than they were, so while they have not improved, they are no worse, either. The nurse called and told me to go ahead and increase my vitamin K, and she wants to talk to the doctor to find out how to proceed with my iron supplementation. Protein is always an issue, as it is hard to get in 100 grams daily while staying within my calorie allowance. More shakes are probably in my future. A shake made with skim milk is 160 calories and 23 grams of protein, definitely my biggest protein bang for the calorie buck!
Elsewhere, my world has changed dramatically and traumatically. Just a few days after my last post, my precious Aunt Ruby suffered a massive stroke. She was taken to the emergency room, evaluated and treated with TPA, a powerful and risky clot-busting medicine. There was really no option but to go ahead ith the TPA because the stroke was completely debilitating. The following morning she suffered a brain bleed and she passed away that night, surrounded by her family. Anyone who has followed this blog has read about Aunt Ruby, and knows what a loss this is for our family, and for me.
This is my first major loss since surgery, and I have found myself returning briefly to some of my old, eating-for-comfort habits. I have known exactly what I was doing each mouthful of the way, so it's not as though I have been unaware of my actions. As a result I packed on a few pounds. I learned something from this little detour into Comfort Food Land. The comfort that comes is only temporary, but if I am not careful, the weight gain could become permanent.
So I am still weighing myself every morning to keep myself accountable, and this week I lost back down to where I was. Surgery has not made me bulletproof; I know that I can screw this process up if I am not careful. Because of this awareness and the fact that I am at increased risk right now because of my emotions, I have taken a break from hospice volunteering. I need to work through my own bereavement before I go back to face the grief of other people. I am considering participating in a grief group at church. If I need counseling, that is a possibility as well.
I'll be OK, eventually. We all will be OK, eventually. My cousins, my brother and I will all need to work through our grief individually, each of us being careful to care for our unique concerns and issues in the process. For me, for right now, I need to be diligent in taking care of myself, physically, emotionally and spiritually. And part of that means feeling the feelings of grief as they come and not trying to anesthetize myself with food. I can't be taking too many detours to Comfort Food Land.
