Size, Shape, Compliments and Fruit Salad

Why labels are pretty much meaningless...


It has been a good week.  I was able to reconnect with some of my CPE peer group, including our supervisor, for dinner and a little time to visit.  What a joy to see these beautiful faces and to bask in their company for a few hours!  They were intimately involved with my preparation for weight loss surgery and poured such love and support into my life during our time together.  I am convinced that they were an integral part of my pre-op success and that period would not have been the same without them.

It was also a week of compliments around the workplace.  It is nice to receive affirmation on positive changes, and most of the time I am really grateful.  Occasionally, though, someone's attempt at a compliment seems awkward, or overly familiar, and ends up making me feel a little uncomfortable.  Case in point: a lady whose face I had seen before but who I don't really know, saw me and rushed over to comment on my changed appearance, grabbing my hands and gushing about how great I looked.  I was thinking, "Have we actually ever met before?"  She felt like she knew me, obviously.  A different time someone commented on my weight loss, and, as always, I explained that I'd had weight loss surgery (I am always wide open about that, with everyone).  She said it was great that I did it and had "learned how to stop..." and then made the gesture of hand-to-mouth, as if shoveling in food.  She also apparently felt familiar enough to talk to me like that.  She is not that familiar, and this exchange was not OK.  A gentleman in the break room complimented me this week and it was kind of humorous.  We have actually had conversations before so I didn't mind him mentioning it.  He said I looked "good, I mean, healthy...I mean, it's hard to compliment somebody without being afraid of saying the wrong thing and ending up in HR."  I laughed my head off and assure him that he was safe.  If he'd said something like, "I wish I had a swing like that in my backyard!" we might have had a little problem, but he was nice and I appreciated the compliment.

I have an appointment with Dr. Gut-Check (the gastroenterologist) in a couple of days to try and determine the source of my elevated liver enzymes.  When I learn more, I'll write about it here.  I still want to lose a few more pounds, and I have a few that I can lose before getting to my dietician-recommended minimum.  The fact that I even have a minimum still feels crazy to me.  My size and shape will probably continue to settle and change a little over the coming months. 

I've been thinking a lot about "size" this week, especially how clothing sizes for women don't make any sense.  This week, I wore jeans in sizes from 12 to 18, and they all fit me.  What's up with that?!  I bought a pair of vintage Levi's on Ebay a few weeks ago that are an 18, but the waist measurement is the same as the new size 12 Levi's I just bought last week.  The only thing I can do now when shopping is to go by the tape measure numbers, because they are objective.  It just goes to prove that size labels don't mean much.  The Hubs said that he never understood why women's clothes didn't come sized the way men's clothes do, with simple measurements for waists, chests and inseams.  I wonder about that too.  Fortunately for my Ebay hunting adventures, many sellers now include that information for jeans in addition to the size on the tag.

Because I was curious about how my various-sized jeans look, I had The Hubs take some photographs, specifically of the rear view.  I can't really tell what looks good from back there, after all!  I am still adjusting to my changing body's shape and size.  The last time I was at my current weight, my shape was way different than it is now.  I have a much more defined waist than I ever have before, which is nice for a change!  I also now have a little bit of "junk in the trunk", which I  never had before, either.  My fanny has never been anything to write home about, and it still isn't, but it is nice to have curves both above and below the waist for once.

It's also a little weird.  Size labels on clothes don't make much sense, but the "fruit salad" descriptions of body types do.  My weight loss from surgery may have shrunk different parts of me than doing it non-surgically in the past did.  It may be somewhat related to my age and hormones as well.  My whole life I've been an "apple", carrying my weight around my midsection, belly and chest.  Now, suddenly, I look more like a "pear", with a smaller, more defined waist and curvier hips.  I'm not complaining;  it's just going to take a little getting used to.  When/if I pursue excess skin removal on my abdomen, my size will change again, and my shape might change along with it. 

If it seems like I am obsessing, I probably am.  It's just a whole lot of change in a relatively short time.  It will just take more time for my mind and heart to catch up with the changes in my body, and I will get there. 

Now What?!

Reflections as my 1 year Surg-I-Versary approaches


This week has been extraordinary.  Hearing at my doctor's appointment that I am now at a good weight and BMI is still sinking in gradually.  I still feel fat, as I mentioned in my last post.  Old habits and thought patterns die hard.

Now that I am basically at goal weight, I am wondering, now what?  I still have a lot of work to do on both my mind and my body.  "Shrinking" now is less about what I weigh and more about toning my muscles and firming up the areas that I can.  The exercise I've been doing to this point has not been especially strenuous, and I guess it's time to ramp up the activity while getting enough calories to keep my weight more or less stable. 

Yet another dimension of The New Normal.

I am also considering slowing down on this blog and beginning a new blog that is focused less on the weight loss journey and more on the rest of my life.  This Diva has so many stories to tell... memories of the people I have loved who are no longer with us in this physical world, stories of the people who are still with us and the lessons they teach, stuff that makes me laugh and cry and think.  I am wondering what those who have been reading this blog would be interested in reading about in the next one.  Because, while I began this process simply as a way to document my weight loss journey for myself, I have discovered that I gain great satisfaction both from the writing process and from the input I receive when people read my posts. 

So, Now What?

Some titles/premises I have considered for the new blog are:

In My Maker's Hands

Random Acts Of Living

Patchwork and Potpourri---Pieces of Life


If you read this post and have thoughts about the new blog (including whether I need to bother with doing it!) I would love to know them.  I have appreciated, and benefited more from, people reading and responding to my writing much more than I ever thought I would.  And I have a lot more to say, whether anyone reads it or not.  So I will continue to write, and to post on Facebook when I've written something new.  That way when there is something new, at least people know it's there, even if they opt out of reading it. 

Will anything come out of all this writing?  Who knows?  For me, something valuable already has come from it.  It has helped me to work a lot of my "stuff" out, and enabled me to share this part of my journey.  For that I am profoundly grateful.