The Year That Was...For Real!

Reflections as 2012 comes to a close


I knew that 2012 was going to be a year filled with changes and challenges, with preparation for weight loss surgery and CPE happening during the first half of the year, then surgery and all its aftermath.  In my head I knew it was going to be a big deal.  In truth, I only had the slightest notion of what this year would hold and the many changes in store for both me and The Hubs.  So I thought I would share a running tally of just some of the changes the past year has brought to my life.


What I have lost:
98 pounds so far
over 16 BMI points
about 5 dress/pant sizes, depending on the garment and the manufacturer
caffeine and carbonation
most of my hip and ankle pain
some hair (but the hair loss has pretty much returned to normal)
the need (most of the time, anyway) to have everything all figured out, all the time!


What I have gained:
protein, vitamins and supplements
tighter hugs
increased energy
improved confidence
greater comfort
a keener sense of gratitude...for everything
new experiences, insights and friendships through CPE which have changed me forever


What I pray for in the year to come:
good health, peace and happiness for the Hubs and me, our family and everyone else we love
to stay on track with my weight loss
to continue growing stronger and healthier, physically, emotionally and spiritually
to continue seeking ways to serve and honor the God Who loves me, and opportunities to share His love with others
to live my life well, as a work of art that pleases my Maker


I am so very thankful for the support of so many people throughout my journey thus far; for those who have faithfully read my ramblings here and encouraged me to keep rambling;  for the people who are urging me to write a book (whether it happens or not, just knowing there are people who think I could do it makes me so proud and happy);  for the people who pray for my continued improving health and weight loss;  for God's tremendous blessings and redemption.  His mercies truly are new every morning!  My journey is not over, because every day the journey begins again, with new challenges, chances and changes to be faced.  My prayer for everyone who reads these words of mine is that you find something here to make you think, laugh or pause to give thanks for your own life.  I pray for you every possible blessing in the year to come!

For Auld Lang Syne, my dear, for Auld Lang Syne,
We'll take a cup of kindness yet, for Auld Lang Syne.

Ribs, Recognition and Reunions

More new experiences in shrinkage


Life for the Shrinking Diva continues to be interesting and full, happy and sad and...rich.  I'll start with a couple of "wow" moments.  I felt my ribs a few days ago.  I've been conscious of more bones making their presence known for a while now.  It began one night in bed when I realized that my arm was stretched down along the side of my body and I could feel my hipbone and the muscle there.  Then my collarbones started to become visible and feel-able.  Now it is the ribs.  They don't stick out or anything, but I can feel them, which I can't remember doing in forever.

Today I had an appointment and afterward I ran by to see The Hubs at his work and sign something that needed my signature before it could be faxed.  He and I were standing at the fax machine and his boss came down into the lobby, nodded and smiled courteously.  In a minute or two, after the receptionist mentioned my name, she laughed and came over to hug me.  She had not recognized me.  Granted, we don't see each other often, but still, it's the first time someone has failed to recognize me.  It was both weird and cool.  Another "first" to go into the books (and the blog!).  This kind of moment happens for most weight loss patients at least once, and most find it gratifying to realize that their appearance has changed so dramatically, that their hard work and efforts are indeed visible.

The appointment I had earlier in the day was to meet with Randy, my supervisor from CPE.  I had made a batch of Christmas goodies (the recipe is called "White Trash" and it's definitely a special-occasion-not-weight-loss-friendly candy treat) to take for the department to snack on and enjoy during the coming week just as a small Christmas token.  It was nice to make something to share without the compulsion to eat it!  I had a bite of it with Randy today, and the one bite satisfied me.  Seeing him was a joyful reunion for me and we had a great visit.

It was also very well-timed, as these moments usually are.  My cousin Betty (she was married to my cousin Crawford, so she is a cousin by marriage---once you marry into the family, you're in till you die) passed away last Friday and her daughter/my cousin Judy asked if I would sing for the funeral home service, which I agreed to do.  The next day she asked if I would consider conducting the graveside service as well.  It overwhelmed and honored me to be asked to do this, especially since I am not a minister.  After panicking a little and checking with a couple of minister friends to make sure I was "allowed" to do this, I learned that it is indeed permissible for a lay person to conduct a service.  Good to know.  Touching base today with Randy made me feel calmer and more at peace about going ahead with this new experience.  So tonight, I will go to the funeral home to be with my family was we prepare to say goodbye to Betty.  I will sing and try to offer what comfort I can with the voice God gave me.  I will hug and laugh and cry and see family I don't see nearly often enough, some who have not seen the shrinking me.  And tomorrow morning I will preach Betty's graveside service.  Another first for the books.

This year began with the adventure of weight loss surgery preparation and the journey of CPE, blessings of unknown and unknowable scope, a season of new things.  Now I end the year with sadness at the loss of another loved one. Through God's goodness and the faith of my family, I have the opportunity to serve God and my family in an old, familiar way, through music, and in a new way as I commit my loved one to the ground, and into God's heavenly care.  As sweet as the reunions are down here, I cannot begin to imagine the ones to come in Heaven.    

"She LIVED Hers"

The Power Of Three Little Words


I've had Mama on my mind a lot lately.  My parents' 55th wedding anniversary would have been this past November 9, and the anniversary of Mama's death was December 8.  It is a sentimental, moody time of year for me, with lots of memories.  I get my sensitivity to things like this from Mama, actually.  She always seemed to remember the anniversaries, both happy and sad, especially concerning my Granny, her own Mama.

Mama was 33 when Granny died, and in the room with her when she departed this life and went to Heaven.  I was 33 when I watched Mama go there as well.  I don't really put a lot of stock in "magic numbers" but sometimes there are patterns that I can't help noticing.  I think Mama at age 33 was much more mature than I was.  She had given birth to my brother and me and raised us while taking care of Granny and looking after Dad, keeping the home fires burning.  I think that having human children grows people up a lot.  I have no human children and I think that has allowed me to hang onto a little childishness of my own.

Sentiment and childishness aside, I remember one thing that she always said about Granny.  "She LIVED hers."  She was talking about how Granny lived out her faith and didn't just talk about it.  Granny gave birth to and raised 9 children, each child with his or her own personality, problems and talents.  She loved them all despite the heartbreak some of them brought to her.  This is a mother's heart, to love her children.

Mama was the youngest of those 9 kids, and the one still living at home when my Granddad died.  She was 15 years old, and something of a handful by all recollections, including her own.  She told me how hard it was for her because some of the older siblings tried to advise Granny about how to finish Mama's upbringing.  "I don't believe I'd let her have a car or get her license..."  "Did you let her do that to her hair?"  "I don't think she needs to be going-here-doing-this-seeing-that-boy-or-running-around-with-that-crowd..."  Mama said she just wanted Granny to tell her what to do, and she promised that if Granny would be the one voice she had to listen to, she would do her very best to obey the rules and not cause trouble.  I can't imagine what that must have been like, for either of them.

Mama must have seen sides to Granny that no one else in the world would have known about.  I know that there were times near the end of Granny's life when Mama was so exhausted she could barely move, but Granny insisted on Mama being the one to look after every little detail.  When Dad's parents were nearing the end of their own independence and Mama and Dad were at the end of their ropes, Mama would sometimes go out on the back deck to have a cry and sling snot for a few minutes...then go back in to handle another round with Mamaw and Papaw.  That's one thing I have to give both my parents credit for; they loved each other's parents just like they loved their own.  They spent the majority of their marriage taking care of someone besides themselves and their kids.

When Mama uttered those words, "She LIVED hers", her voice had a reverence about it that wasn't often there.  There was a respect, almost an awe, about how she viewed Granny and the way Granny had lived her life and faith.  What would probably surprise Mama now is that I see her the same way.  Yes, she was a handful, and thank God she was!  She was sweet, and sometimes spicy.  She could smell BS a mile away and didn't have any patience for it.  She actually didn't have a whole lot of patience, period, for most of her life.  But for all the little foibles, bad words, inappropriate humor and times she flew off the handle, there were hugs and love, apologies when she felt she had been wrong, humble moments and tears when she thought she might have hurt me.  She could not stand a hypocrite, and she could not stand to see someone being mistreated.  She always rooted for the underdog, shared what she had and made sure nobody was ever hungry in her presence.  I never questioned Mama's faith in God.  She didn't preach about it, she just answered questions when I had them, and walked out her faith the best way she knew how.  She was not perfect, but she was real.  Mama lived hers.

Mama LIVED hers.

Now I am trying to live mine.  I hope Mama's mansion in Heaven has a little plot of ground out back of it for my shack to be built on.  If I can get anywhere close to her neighborhood there I'll be grateful.

A Big Week And A Two-Feather Day

My 6-month checkup at the surgeon's office and some other stuff

I collect feathers.  I don't remember exactly when it started, but several years ago, I began picking up feathers whenever I see them.  Today when I went out to retrieve the trash can from the curb, I actually found 2 feathers!  Not huge ones, but still, I took finding 2 as a very good sign.  I like to imagine that the feathers I find are from the wings of an angel God sent to watch over me.

This past Sunday night I went to my college for their Christmas oratorio presentation, which, this year, was portions of Handel's "Messiah".  I told my music fraternity students that I have performed in many more of these than I have had the chance to watch and listen to since I've been an adult.  As musicians, this is what we do.  We make music.  Sometimes, though, it is good for us, and even necessary, that we sit back and let others make the music, allowing it to minister to us.  I felt as though God were saying to me, "Let Me feed your soul as you listen this time."  It was exactly what I needed to start my Christmas season and my soul was indeed nourished.

Thursday is my official 6-month "surgi-versary", and today I had my 6-month checkup at the surgeon's office.  I met with both the dietician and the exercise physiologist to go over my food log and exercise since my last checkup.  My blood pressure was good, 110/68.  I'll take that.  My BMI is down over 16 points.  And according to my scale at home, I am down 93 pounds, which is still ahead of schedule.  I'll take that, too.

I was a little nervous about this appointment because it was my first big nutrient check since surgery.  I went in  last week for the dozen or so (OK, I am exaggerating, a little) vials of blood to be drawn to check everything from vitamins and protein to iron and thyroid levels.  My phosphorus is a little low but no action is required at this point.  That will be checked again in 6 months.  Protein and vitamins are all within range, so that is a big relief.  I am, however, anemic.  (Thank you, Cramp Fairy, for bringing back my periods and stealing my iron!)  So I am adding an iron supplement to my routine.  The dietician also recommended a probiotic to help with intestinal issues, so I'll be adding those as well.  Overall, considering how many nutrients I could be lacking and all the health complications that could result, I am actually thrilled that iron is my only problem.

I have also officially been cleared to advance to phase 4 diet, which means I can add some starches, as tolerated and within reason.  I can also gradually begin to increase my portion sizes, which means that over time I can start getting more protein from food and less from supplements, which will be a good thing.  I am so used to doing 3-ounce math, I'll have to start looking up nutrition information for different amounts of foods.  No problem.

The Hubs's birthday is tomorrow, and to celebrate a little early, we got dressed up and went to a fancy steakhouse for dinner last night.  He looked so handsome in his dress slacks, shirt and tie, and I had the chance to wear the black velvet dress I have mentioned in a couple of previous posts.  I had him take a quick picture of me just so I could see how I looked in the dress (because the image in the mirror is neither lasting nor accurate).  It looked nice on me, showing my recently-discovered waist and legs that have become surprisingly small.  Dinner was delicious and I have a couple of meals' worth of leftovers to enjoy.  The atmosphere was both intimate and festive, with beautiful Christmas lights and decorations everywhere in the restaurant and a gloriously festooned tree next to the hostess station.  The service was impeccable.  And the company was perfect.  I'd rather be with The Hubs than anyone else in the world.  Not only do I love him, I genuinely like him.  He is the funniest person I know and after 30-plus years of togetherness, 26 of those married, he can still make me laugh so hard I cry or pee my pants.  Or both.  Humor like that can carry people over a multitude of problems, as it has for us.  Laughter is indeed a good medicine.  Plus, it's great for your abs!

Tonight was the music fraternity's Christmas party at the home of our Chapter Advisor.  Every year she makes supper for this bunch of hungry college students and welcomes the whole chapter into her home.  She decorates all over the house at Christmas, with a tree in every room and candles everywhere.  It was a joy to be surrounded by these precious student musicians and share an evening of fellowship and, again, lots of laughter.  At the end of the evening, she spoke of how blessed we all are and how especially at Christmas we should be mindful of those who do not have the opportunities we enjoy.  And she suggested that we take a moment each day and think of someone who means something special to us, considering the attributes that make that person unique and giving thanks for their presence in our lives.  As I left her house tonight, I thanked her for the evening and especially for her words, and I told her that when I consider those special people who have contributed so much to my life, she is one of the people for whom I am so grateful.

God has blessed me so greatly, with the people He has placed in my path, the experiences of my life that have made priceless memories for me to treasure, and even the trials that have hurt me for a season but taught me valuable lessons.  With the week and its activities fresh in my mind, I am especially grateful for my most immediate family, The Hubs, and my larger musical family of college students and teachers, past and present.  And I am grateful for the doctors and other specialists who are helping me to get healthier and stronger.  I am indeed blessed beyond measure.