Combining Old And New

Returning to some of my old routines (the good ones, that is)


My surgical sabbatical from some of my volunteer activities is about to come to a close.  And I finally feel ready to resume some of the things I used to spend time doing.  After surgery and during the first months of recovery, I lacked energy and motivation to do much of anything other than heal.  I returned to my chorus praying every second that I would be able to sing again, that the breathing tube inserted during surgery had not damaged my throat, that I would have the energy to make it through rehearsals...that the surgery I had pursued in order to save my health had not ruined my voice.  Because my voice has always defined me at least as much as my size has.  My other activities needed to wait a while because returning to my chorus took all the energy I had.

And that worried me.  Singing taxed me for a while in a way it never had before.  My voice always feels a little "brittle" returning to chorus in the fall after having the summer off and not being as active vocally.  This past fall concert season that brittleness seemed to last longer.  I was afraid that I might never feel ready to go back to some of my other activities.  I was scared that my empty, queasy stomach, swinging blood sugar levels and moodiness might never stabilize enough for me to feel "normal" again.  I went ahead with surgery in order to feel better... but I have to admit that for a while I felt worse than I had prior to surgery, and I was terrified that it would never get any better.

Thank God that hasn't been the case!  Time, some patience, some trial and error and a lot of support have helped me to heal.  Now most of the time I feel really good, hormones and intestinal issues notwithstanding.  Next week I am returning to hospice, Lord willing and knock wood.  The Monday afternoon spot at the front desk came open and since this year's extended unit of CPE was filled, I volunteered to cover the front desk on Monday afternoons before chorus practice.  It will be good to be back there, and eventually I may get back to more regular patient visitation.  For now, covering the front desk is where I am most needed, and that's probably where I most need to be as well.  It will provide me with a sense of purpose without taxing me too much physically.

My cousin Betty who passed away shortly before Christmas had been transferred to the same hospice where I volunteer, and her daughters both told me what a special place it is and about the wonderful care they all received there.  My friend Ellen's mother spent her last days there back in the spring as well.  It is time for me to return to my service there, and I finally feel ready.  

I'll answer phones, make coffee, fill the snack baskets and greet visitors as they come and go.  I will have the chance to listen to those who need someone to talk to.  I'll be able to get some of my reading and studying done there.  And with gratitude for all God has done for me, I'll say a quiet prayer for each family and the loved one they are there to see, as well as the staff who care for them.