Happy Anniversary

What A Difference A Year Makes


One year ago today, The Hubs and I began my weight loss surgery journey with our initial consultation at the surgeon's office.  I could not have imagined on that day that my body, my perspective and my life would be so different just a year later.  One year ago today, I was at my heaviest weight ever and had been hovering there pretty consistently for a long while, resulting in hip and ankle pain that had become too much to manage.  I certainly didn't dream that in one year, 82-ish pounds would be gone!  It would have been too much to hope for.

This year has been filled with new experiences, as well as the joy of old experiences revisited...little things, really, that average-sized people take for granted.  Last month I went to a meeting of the music fraternity on my college campus for which I serve as Chapter Mother.  The first part of the meeting took place in the normal classroom setup, complete with those one-piece student desks, the kind I hadn't been able to wedge myself into in years.  I fit into them now.  Crossing my legs is not not only possible, but comfortable again.  In a recent photograph, I could swear that I saw my collarbones.  I realize that most people can't relate to these little victories, but plus-size folk can understand what I'm talking about.  When you're big, the world doesn't fit you a lot of the time.  And when you're really big, you're also usually really uncomfortable.

This year has been one of extremes, both emotionally and physically.  My physical recovery from surgery was pretty painful, and for a longer time than I had anticipated.  But it was also the most invasive surgery I have ever undergone, and I am the oldest I've ever been (and that indeed makes a difference), so a longer recovery and more pain was normal and to be expected.  I tell people now that for me, surgery was a good decision and I am glad I did it.  I also tell them that if they need to lose weight and are able to lose it without surgical intervention, by all means do it that way!  For me, surgery was a much-needed remedy.

My emotions have run the gamut all year long, not just from surgery prep and completion, but from the unit of Clinical Pastoral Education I completed in the first half of the year.  Without going into a lot of detail I'll just say that CPE, especially doing it while I was also preparing for my surgery, was a Godsend and a revelation.  I learned so much about myself and what makes me tick, why some of my issues are so deeply ingrained, and how I could begin to help myself heal.  I was blessed to experience the acceptance and support of a group of people who began as strangers and became intimate friends during the time we shared.  I saw things I never could have dreamed I would encounter, and each experience taught me something valuable.  I have asserted before that CPE did more to change me than surgery ever will.  And I stand by that statement even now.

I'm still me even after all the changes this last year has brought.  As I wrote in my very first blog post, there are some things about me that will never, ever change.

I am a blunt, plainspoken Southern Diva, with big boobs and a big heart underneath them;
I am a woman, wife, musician, daughter/sister/cousin/aunt/niece/friend, volunteer and child of God;
I will always have curves no matter how much I shrink;
I am a big believer that God allows everything for a purpose, and that His timing is always significant.

I'm still me and I always will be.  My hope is that I am becoming the best me that I can be.