Four Months (And Three Days) Since Surgery

"Wow Moments", The Latest Checkup and Last Year's Face


Today was 4 months and 3 days since my weight loss surgery, and I had a checkup with the dietician and the exercise physiologist at the surgeon's office.  My blood pressure was 104/68, which is pretty standard for me.  As for my weight loss, I am still ahead of schedule, almost at the 6-month mark.  The dietician and exercise physiologist were both very pleased with my progress and I got an "A-Plus" for the day.  According to my scale, I have now lost 76 pounds.  Thank You, Lord, for a chance to regain my health and strength.

In the last couple of weeks I have had a few "wow moments".  In the course of just a couple of days I ran into 2 different people at work whom I had not seen since surgery.  I ran into one in the lobby, asked how she was getting along and we chatted for a few minutes.  She looked at me for a second and said, "You look wonderful!"  I never had the chance to tell her about my surgery so I don't think she knows that I had it.  The other one stopped on her way out of the parking garage to holler at me from her car window and say, "You look great!"  She definitely knows I had surgery because I told her beforehand that I was going to do so.  As I have stated before, compliments are not why I did it...but they are nice.

Over the weekend we had the chance to visit with The Hubs's brother and his wife, as well as my out-of-state sister-in-law who was in town for a visit.  It was great to see them all, catch up on the latest family gossip and enjoy their support of my decision and my progress along the weight loss path.  As we were getting ready to go, I began to say something to The Hubs and then stopped short.  He asked what I was going to say, and I said that I was going to ask a ridiculous question:  Would my weight loss be visible?  He replied that yes, it is indeed visible and yes, it was a ridiculous question.  Then he had a question for me.  He said, "There's always going to be a little fat girl living inside you, isn't there?"  I said, probably so.

It got me thinking about self-image.  How is it that we can look in the mirror and see ourselves one way, then when confronted by a photograph we see something totally different?  I had trouble realizing just how large I had become until a little over a year ago when I was photographed as part of the United Way campaign at work.  Digital cameras give us the chance to view in an instant the captured images, as well as to delete the ones we don't like!  I went in for my photo shoot, a very brief affair, after which the photographer gave me the chance to view the shots he had just snapped.  Head-and-shoulders and waist-up shots were all OK...but I was completely unprepared for the full-length shots he had taken.  I looked like a basketball perched on toothpick legs!  After blinking and smiling my jolly-fat-girl smile, I asked that only the waist-up and/or head-and-shoulders shots be used for the campaign, and my request was honored (as far as I know, at least, I never saw any full-length shots in any of the campaign materials posted around the workplace).

They are using images from last year's shoot in this year's campaign as well.  When I pass by one of the water fountains, I see my face staring at me.  Last year's face.  Still mine, but much fuller and rounder than the face I have this year.  Over the weekend at my brother-in-law's house, my sister-in-law wanted to take a picture of me and The Hubs together.  It's the first photo taken of me since surgery, and the first time I've seen myself other than in the mirror.  I have to admit, the change astonished me, in a good way.  But I still asked for only waist-up shots!  Another part of the Ever-Changing Never-Changing.  I am still quite solidly entrenched in Plus-Size World, but much less so than a year ago.  And no matter how much I shrink, my self-perception will never be completely accurate.  I don't think anyone's can be.  The mirror always looks different than the photograph.