In honor of Mama's 73rd birthday, I am sharing a note that I wrote on Facebook 3 years ago. I hope it gives the reader a little insight into who she was, why she was special, and why I hope I inherited some of her more memorable traits. I miss her every day, and I hope she'd be proud of some of the things I've been up to.
This July 4, my sweet (and sometimes spicy!) Mama would be turning 70. She died on Demember 8, 1997 at about 2:40 in the morning. I was with her all that last long day that she lived, during most of which she was in the "agonal stage" of dying, I have since learned. And that night, when Dad came to the hospital thinking he was relieving me so I could go home, I stayed on because I felt sure she would not survive the night and I didn't want to leave.
Mama was not the first loved one for whose death I was present. When one of my Uncle Johns passed away, (I was blessed with 2 Uncle Johns in my family) I was with my cousins and Aunt Ruby, who so generously included me in the final moments of his time on earth. I have found that the experience of watching a loved one die is life-changing and, for me, a sacred moment. As difficult as it is to lose someone I've loved, I have been aware that I was watching them go to be with God. And with each person I've seen begin that journey to heaven (Uncle John, then Mama, and then Pop-In-Law and Mom-In-Law) I loved them deeply and hoped that when it's my turn to go, someone is with me who loves me just as much.
My Mama was like no one else, strong but tender, independent but hated being alone, quick to fly off the handle but also quick to apologize. Full of contradictions, complexities and compassion, she spent the biggest part of her life taking care of other people. She was a rebellious spirit but also a woman of great faith in Jesus. Mama was not always concerned about being very well-read, but she had the most sense about people of anyone I've ever met and could smell BS a mile away...and had a very low tolerance for it. She always made our friends feel welcome in our home and could carry on a fun, thought-provoking conversation with anyone (provided they were not spewing the aforementioned BS.) She lived and loved with her whole heart and died way too early.
I always tell people that her July 4 birthday suited her perfectly because she was a real firecracker. Even though she's gone from this world and my daily, physical life, she is always with me and gives me gifts every day. Sometimes now, my laughter sounds like hers, and it's like the music of the ages bubbling up from me and her and all the women of our family. I'll never outgrow the reality that when I am in trouble or sadness or pain, I still want my Mama.
This July 4, my sweet (and sometimes spicy!) Mama would be turning 70. She died on Demember 8, 1997 at about 2:40 in the morning. I was with her all that last long day that she lived, during most of which she was in the "agonal stage" of dying, I have since learned. And that night, when Dad came to the hospital thinking he was relieving me so I could go home, I stayed on because I felt sure she would not survive the night and I didn't want to leave.
Mama was not the first loved one for whose death I was present. When one of my Uncle Johns passed away, (I was blessed with 2 Uncle Johns in my family) I was with my cousins and Aunt Ruby, who so generously included me in the final moments of his time on earth. I have found that the experience of watching a loved one die is life-changing and, for me, a sacred moment. As difficult as it is to lose someone I've loved, I have been aware that I was watching them go to be with God. And with each person I've seen begin that journey to heaven (Uncle John, then Mama, and then Pop-In-Law and Mom-In-Law) I loved them deeply and hoped that when it's my turn to go, someone is with me who loves me just as much.
My Mama was like no one else, strong but tender, independent but hated being alone, quick to fly off the handle but also quick to apologize. Full of contradictions, complexities and compassion, she spent the biggest part of her life taking care of other people. She was a rebellious spirit but also a woman of great faith in Jesus. Mama was not always concerned about being very well-read, but she had the most sense about people of anyone I've ever met and could smell BS a mile away...and had a very low tolerance for it. She always made our friends feel welcome in our home and could carry on a fun, thought-provoking conversation with anyone (provided they were not spewing the aforementioned BS.) She lived and loved with her whole heart and died way too early.
I always tell people that her July 4 birthday suited her perfectly because she was a real firecracker. Even though she's gone from this world and my daily, physical life, she is always with me and gives me gifts every day. Sometimes now, my laughter sounds like hers, and it's like the music of the ages bubbling up from me and her and all the women of our family. I'll never outgrow the reality that when I am in trouble or sadness or pain, I still want my Mama.
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