Inside The Window...

...or Through the Looking Glass?


I am inside the one-month window until my surgery!  I can barely believe it is so close now.  As surgery approaches, my choral group's concert season and my unit of CPE are coming to an end.  These things are all somewhat bittersweet for me, especially CPE.

Within the safety of my CPE peer group I have found acceptance, support and love as I have completed the unit, learned how to minister and listen better, and worked toward getting my healthy habits established prior to surgery.  These people, all of whom I now consider to be friends, have contributed so much to my life in these past few months that I find myself at a loss as to what I am going to do without their weekly presence in seminar and PPI (personal and professional identity, the part of class when we speak freely and with no specific agenda).  And the real surprise is that I am already thinking about when I can do another unit!  As tired as I've been during the unit with so much reading, writing, nights on call and extremes in emotion, it has still given me much more than it has taken out of me.

Next week I go in for the big 4-hour diet class.  The Hubs will go with me because he will be helping me during my recovery from surgery.  I expect another weigh-in at that time and I am trying/praying to shave off a few more pounds between now and then.  At this class they will probably also start my "extremely low-calorie pre-surgery diet" which will no doubt be...challenging.  But it's temporary until surgery, and then everything will change.

Everything.

I don't pretend that I'll sail through surgery and recovery, and I don't expect that this process is going to be easy.  What I do look forward to is beginning the transformation, experiencing the world and myself in new ways.  It will be a journey unlike any other of my life, much as CPE has been....rigorous, unfamiliar, exhilarating and a step toward a larger goal.

Through the looking glass indeed.