Supplies and Demands

Monday 11-14-11
Why we need to replenish ourselves...

For a tired, fat girl, I have a lot going on in my life.  Granted, I do have my crash-time when I am not working at my job, but I also have some "extracurricular activities" that I am involved in.  Those things are a time and energy commitment, but they are worth it because they give me so much more than they take from me.

For example, Monday is my volunteer-at-the-hospice day, followed by my go-get-my-scream-on-at-music-practice day.  Sometimes the day flies by, and sometimes it seems to crawl.  But the interesting thing about my Marathon Mondays is that, while the activities take a lot of energy out of me, they never leave me feeling depleted.  Tired, for sure, but not depleted.  There is a big difference between the two.

For a long time, I let the musical part of me get pushed aside by schedules, a perceived lack of time and energy, the typical excuses one makes for letting things go.  A couple of years ago I auditioned for my musical group again after an 11-year absence, with considerable trepidation.  I was afraid that I had let my voice go for so long that it had left me, a "use it or lose it" scenario.  The gracious gentleman who heard my audition apparently thought I had something left to offer and I was accepted, even welcomed, back into my chorus.  It's strange, I didn't realize my soul was starving until I began to feed it again. 

This afternoon at the hospice, things were pretty slow, we had a number of empty beds and I made my rounds and patient visits with time left over.  So I spent my last half hour or so singing unaccompanied in the hospice chapel.  It's not a huge room, but the acoustics in there are glorious and it's become a favorite space for me to sing in. 

When I am working or singing at the hospice, I never feel like I am being judged because of my appearance.  I feel appreciated and respected and loved, even though I usually deal with a different set of patients and families every week when I go there.  As much as my time with both the hospice and my chorus on Mondays demands of me, it supplies even more.  And I have found that THAT is a huge secret to feeling worthwhile, productive and balanced.

I need to adjust to putting the supplies-and-demands principle into practice regarding my food intake as well.  I can no longer equate food with comfort.  Food is the fuel that my body runs on in order to accomplish what I need to get accomplished every day.  Good quality fuel will give me better results and more efficient operation, just like with my car.  And I need to remember not to over-fill my fuel tank, to continue the metaphor.  If I supply too much and demand too little...well, we see where that practice has gotten me.  So to nutshell it:  Food = Fuel. 

Comfort = ?

So much of what we have to face daily just drains us dry.  For some people, it's family problems, while for others it is work-related stress.  Some of us deal with addictions, our own or a loved one's, or both.  Financial straits, health crises, divorce, death and taxes...it's never-ending!  We HAVE TO find things that can replenish the inner resources that daily life drains out of us.  I read a quote somewhere:  "Life is a cup to be filled, not drained." 

Comfort = Surrounding myself with people, activities and things that fill me and feed my soul, and to jettison (as much as possible) the people, activities and things that drain me and make me feel empty.  When I manage to do that, I feel better and I am better able to give my best self to the world.  Getting thinner and healthier will just make that whole process easier.