Sunday 11-6-11
Why clothes aren't the only things that need to fit properly
I was invited to sing at my friend's church this morning, so I went there and participated in their All Saints' Sunday, singing 4 songs as part of their worship service and remembrance of their departed saints from the past year. As I have gotten older (and larger) I've noticed things happening to my voice, particularly in the last few years when I've been singing more often in public. Some of the changes have been positive, a slightly richer, more mature sound and timbre in my voice that was not always there. Some of the changes, not so much.
As singers we have to recognize that our bodies are our instruments, and my instrument is showing some signs of mistreatment, both outwardly as I have ballooned to my current size, and more subtly as my breathing has become more compromised. My lungs and my diaphragm are being crowded into inefficiency by the fat in my abdomen.
A few facts about the human voice: Changes in both male and female voices occur several times after the primary one that happens at the onset of puberty. The changes happen in the areas of range (number of notes that can be sung, either growing or shrinking with maturity), tone color or timbre, (brightness or darkness in the tone), loudness or softness that can be achieved, and even the place where the voice "breaks" from full voice into head voice. (I am a voice geek so please forgive the tutorial, it serves a purpose here!) So as a singer ages, different pieces and types of music become appropriate...or become uncomfortable. The things that "fit" the voice change as the voice itself changes. My college voice professor always said that a piece of music should fit me like a custom-made wedding gown. Today I was asked to sing a piece of music that I dearly love, and have sung very successfully and joyfully in the past. It doesn't fit me as well now as it used to, and while I can attribute that partly to my age, I also have to be honest with myself and admit that it is also largely due to my weight and size that I cannot phrase properly or with the kind of energy or stamina that I once enjoyed. My fatness, belly fat in particular, is impairing my ability to sing.
In 2004, Wagnerian opera diva Deborah Voigt, after years of battling with her weight, finally chose to undergo weight-loss surgery. She had been dismissed from a London production of Strauss's opera, Ariadne auf Naxos, a signature role for her, because instead of the usual period costumes, this production required her to wear a "little black dress", which did not fit her. Instead of altering the dress, the producers hired a different soprano to fill the title role...and the dress. The incident became a controversy, and Voigt admitted being angry about the dismissal. (Do a Google search on it, it's really interesting.) She did not have surgery to get "skinny"; she did it to help her to sing better and enjoy a better quality of life. At her largest, she was beautiful and glamourous; now she is just radiantly, drop-dead gorgeous, and singing with less effort and more joy. She inspires me in countless ways, especially now that I have also chosen to pursue surgery in an effort to get healthier.
I am no opera singer. That is not the path that my life led me down. God had other plans for me and for my voice. For years I made a living using my voice in the radio world, a profession I loved and will always miss (unless, of course, God takes me back there!) Even though it has not turned out to be my profession, singing has been the one thing in my life that has been there since the beginning. Mama always said that when I was born I "came out singing!" But the voice, and indeed the body, that God gave me are resources that I frankly have not treated with the respect they deserve. I have let myself go. I am thankful that God is in the business of second chances, for both my soul and my body.
Like Ms. Voigt, I am looking forward to being a fat lady who shrinks!
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