Another Anniversary

Two years since it all began

On October 25, 2011, The Hubs and I went in for our first consultation with my weight loss surgeon.  I can barely believe it's been 2 years since this journey of change began for us both.  The shrinking phase of the process has pretty much been completed, although I would like to shave off another 4 pounds to get to a total of 140 lost.  But I am not obsessing over it.  If it is meant to happen, it will.  The doctor and the dietician are happy with my weight where it is, so if it's good enough for them, who am I to quibble about it?

What have the last 2 years been like?  What have I learned?  What is next for me?

The process has been filled with victories and frustrations, and for the first few months after my surgery, quite a bit of pain was involved, both physical and emotional.  I had moments of wondering whether I would ever feel like myself again (that period passed and I now feel like a better, healthier, slightly more confident version of myself).  I have gradually replaced most of my wardrobe, which was a little bit scary at first.  Being as large as I was for as long as I was, venturing into new types of clothing felt risky for me, but little by little I am learning not only what fits me, but what flatters my new size and shape as well.  I had forgotten that dressing myself could actually be fun!

My body as a musical instrument functions differently now, and I notice that after I have been to chorus rehearsals, my ribs are sometimes sore afterward, because I am learning how to engage my core again while singing.  I seem to breathe better and more deeply, which can only be a good thing.  My lungs will never be what they were when I was in college because some illnesses over the years have left me with scarring.  But they have more room to breathe deeply now that a lot of abdominal fat is gone.  I hear and feel subtle changes in my tone as well, partly due to age, and partly due to the weight loss.

Some of my relationships with people are different now, not necessarily because I want them to be.  The fact is that once I stopped being always the fattest person in the room, some people began to treat me differently.  Some are nicer, some are more aloof.  It doesn't really matter to me.  The people who have always supported and loved me, whatever size and shape I am, continue to do so.  The ones who are nicer to me because I am now more "presentable" only value appearances, not what is inside a person.  The essence of me is still the same.  It's just living in a smaller house.

What is next for me?  Only God knows the answer to that question.  I hope and pray for continued strength, good health, happiness and peace for me and for the people I love.  I pray for opportunities to share His goodness with the people I meet along the way, to soothe and comfort those who are hurting, to rejoice with those who are happy and to make a positive difference in the world around me.  I want my life to mean something, and when it's over, I want to leave a good legacy behind.  Most of all, I want my life to be like a song, composed with passion and sincerity, pleasing to the ears of my Maker.