Surviving the Annual Indignity
First thing in the morning I will be in the office (and stirrups) of my gynecologist, affectionately known as Dr. FancyPants. My family doctor laughs every time he hears me call my lady-parts doctor by that moniker. I figure since I am in a position of such vulnerability, the least I can do is give the guy a snarky name.
I have written previously and extensively about The Girls and their care and containment. But there are important concerns south of the border as well, and it is vital that we take care of those tropical vacation spots by seeing the appropriate medical professionals, having the proper screenings and tests done annually, and keeping track of our cycles on the calendar. These simple steps can alert us to possible health problems and even save our lives.
I got my period when I was 11 years old. I was fortunate that I had a Mama who had told me what was coming, and she told me in a way that didn't freak me out or make me think I was going to die when it came. Her Mama had told her nothing about it at all, and when her period came she thought something was horribly wrong with her. Those things just didn't really get discussed back then, certainly not as freely as they are today. I mean, I am writing a blog entry about it, for Patti's sake!
The Annual Indignity and the Slam-o-Gram are not things that most ladies would honestly say that they look forward to with glee and jubilation, but we realize how necessary they are. Most of us know someone who has been touched by a gynecologic cancer, or a cancer scare. Even I have had the occasional "abnormal" Pap test result, and have endured the re-testing and nervous waiting for the result that I hoped would be normal the second time around. I've been fortunate not to have any serious problems. Knock wood and Lord willing, all that stuff down there will continue to be OK.
Truth be told, Pap tests, pelvic exams and mammograms are not all that unpleasant, or at least, they shouldn't be. It can be a little uncomfortable, and that discomfort is due largely just to being undressed. With these tests there is usually some pressure, but there should not be pain. If there is pain, there is a problem. Sometimes the person performing the exam is just too rough. Sometimes, though, the pain is a symptom of something wrong (cyst, tumor, etc.), in which case it is good that the patient is getting examined in the first place. Early detection can save lives.
I'll discuss with Dr. FancyPants my new normal, the weight loss surgery and what it's doing to my hormones and lady parts. Maybe he will have suggestions for ways I can mitigate some of the changes I am experiencing. I'd be happy if he offered to scoop out my uterus with a rusty spoon, but somehow, I doubt that offer will be forthcoming. I will pray for normal test results and a good rest of the day. I will be thankful for all the doctors who take care of me and help me to take care of myself. And I will say a prayer for Dr. FancyPants, because I know what I look like undressed, and no one should have to start their day with a naked Diva on their examining table!
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