Cravings And Indulgences

Healthy and otherwise...


I can't blame it on The Cramp Fairy.  This has been the week after her visit.  I don't know what's been my problem this week, but my appetite has been out of control!  Not so much in the amounts I've been eating, but in the things I have been wanting to eat.  And I will admit to some unusual... indulgences.  I was fine over my weekend, but once my working week started, it seemed like I developed some really strong and strange food cravings.  And no, I am most definitely not pregnant.

We hear and read about premenstrual syndrome.  Is there such a thing as postmenstrual syndrome?  I know the week after The Cramp Fairy visits I usually have headaches.  This week also heralded the arrival of The Humility Pimple in one of its more glaring appearances of late.  I just feel discombobulated and out of sorts right now.  Fortunately my weekend is now underway and I can try to get myself back on the healthy wagon!

As much as anything I probably just need some decent rest.  Last Sunday I sang a solo in 2 church services, followed by the annual spring concert with my chamber group in which I also had a solo.  Even for me it was a lot of solo singing in one day.  And I enjoyed it all.  Aside from the normal activities I had an extra practice Thursday night with my chorus.  Friday night I attended a poetry reading by my college English professor, so I had a couple of late nights followed by early mornings.  And with allergy season in full swing and the fatigue that sometimes comes with those symptoms, I think it's all just started to catch up with me.

Back to the concert last Sunday, I had The Hubs take his video camera to record my solo.  It's impossible to judge what I sound like just from hearing the sounds as I make them, and I wanted to hear what my voice is sounding like since surgery and weight loss.  Such a drastic change in size can make for changes in the voice as well, and especially since singing feels so different now, I was curious to hear if it sounds as different as it feels.

Aside from a few issues with tuning where I was a little sharp, I sounded pretty good, considering.  The piece I sang seems to sit in a bit of a lower, more mellow part of my range, rather than the higher, brighter portion.  As a result of the key, my age and at least in part from the weight loss, my voice seems to sound a little fuller and richer.  At least it did on Sunday.  Who knows what a different song in a different key on a different day might produce?

As I give more careful thought to it, I realize that the creative process in my life is something I have always craved.  Webster's definition for the word "crave" includes " to yearn for", and I think that is accurate to describe my need/desire for creativity in my life.  I need it, not just to enjoy others' pursuits, but to participate in making my own.  Hearing my professor reading from his work the other night woke up something in a different, non-musical part of my creative spirit, and I find myself thinking more poetically as a result.  It's been forever since I wrote a poem (and I will be the first to admit that most of my poetry is not very good!).  Still, I think it might be good for me to start exploring this part of myself again, to indulge this poetic craving...to feed this part of my creative soul.

Who knows what future blog posts may hold?  Couplets, limericks and pantoums may be forthcoming!  All I know is this: a longtime friend told me years ago that all creative and artistic people have more than one outlet for expression, and I have seen this to be true over and over again.  Singers who write poems, poets who paint, painters who make pottery, potters who dance, dancers who play instruments...the possibilities are limitless.  But we all have this in common, that while we may have a primary focus of our art and craft, there are always more things that we enjoy doing and benefit from.  I am primarily a singer.  But I also enjoy writing, scrapbooking, cardmaking and photography.  As the spring concert season draws to a close, I hope to spend the summer exploring some of these other pursuits... indulging some of my other cravings.

 

Updating...And Downsizing

Ten Months Since Surgery


Ten months ago today, I had my weight loss surgery, so it's time for a monthly update on my progress.  To date I am down a total of 120 pounds (7 since last month's update, so this has been a better month for weight loss).  I never would have imagined that this much weight would be gone at this point, and I am grateful beyond measure.

Here ends the updating portion of this post.  Now it's time for the downsizing portion.  And I am talking about The Girls...again.

I have written in previous posts about The Girls and my many issues with their care and containment.  I had downsized into smaller bras last October, which made The Girls very happy.  In recent weeks I've noticed that they were needing once again to move into a smaller house, so I ordered new, smaller bras, which arrived in today's mail.  Once again, The Girls are very glad to have a new, better-fitting home.

One of my longstanding issues with bra fit has been my need for fuller cups and smaller bands around the ribcage.  Even at my largest/heaviest, I had an unusually small ribcage for the size cups I needed.  I was fortunate to find an Ebay seller who offers the bra I like, with a "defect" that actually works in my favor.  This seller offers factory seconds, and usually the only defect is a variance in the size of the ribcage band, either smaller or larger than factory standard.  I was able to find the size I needed, with a 3/4 inch smaller-than-standard ribcage band!  It works perfectly, giving me extra support underneath with enough fullness in the cup.

Most women in America are wearing the wrong size bra.  Usually the cups are too small and the ribcage is too large, resulting in overspillage from the cups and inadequate support from below.  Even women with smaller breasts need the proper support and coverage.  It isn't just a matter of vanity, it's a matter of breast health.  The breasts contain a complex network of milk ducts, lymph nodes and blood vessels, and the right bra, correctly fitted, is a necessity for good breast health, pulling The Girls up off the abdomen and elevating them to their proper place in the world!  In addition, the right bra, in the right size and shape for one's particular body type, relieves strain on the neck, back and shoulders, improves posture and helps clothing to fit better.  If I could, I would personally take every woman in the world to a custom fitter for the right bra in the right size.  It really makes that much difference.

Because I have a big heart under my Big Girls.

Recovery Never Stops

Something I need to keep in mind


Today I sang for a ladies group meeting at a local country club, a place where my Dad has played probably hundreds of dance gigs over the decades.  He has played trombone with numerous bands of all sizes since he was a teenager, and in every kind of venue imaginable, from the seediest dives to the swankiest clubs and restaurants.  Today was my first time to step inside this place and to sing for a group of lovely ladies who give their time and resources to this service organization.

Lunch was served, a delicious beef stir-fry with rice and vegetables.  I enjoyed my lunch and have plenty of leftovers to share with The Hubs for his supper tonight.  But I think I ate a little too quickly because I had some stomach discomfort afterward and became more than a little queasy.  I went to the ladies room and texted a quick message to The Hubs requesting prayer immediately because " I have to sing soon and I am nauseated."

These are the times when I am most grateful for modern technology.  Between e-mail, Facebook and text messaging, we can ask for immediate prayer support, what a friend of mine refers to as "sending up a prayer flare".  I was especially grateful for that chance today.  I really thought I might throw up.  The only reasons for such extreme queasiness today are that I may have eaten too fast...and The Cramp Fairy has landed.

I hate The Cramp Fairy.  I hate her like poison.

Anyway, prayer helped.  I made it through my program without vomiting and hightailed it back home.  As I changed my clothes, I spied that old pair of Levi's I've been trying to fit myself back into for a while now.  These are mid-90's-old-school-hard-core-no-stretch Levi's that I'm talking about.  I decided I'd give it another try.

I zipped myself into them!  Holy Moly, I zipped myself back into them!  And I didn't have to lie down on the bed to do it!

Since they are old-school-no-stretch jeans, I'll probably let a few more pounds drop away before I try wearing them for a day at work, which is basically 12 hours from the time I leave to the time I get back home.  The point is, I could get back in them, and I didn't really think I was there yet.

As I write this, my stomach is feeling much better, although it is making some really disquieting noises that lead me to believe I am not quite out of the queasy woods just yet.  As far as I've been blessed to travel down the weight loss path, I am not fully recovered yet, even now, nearly 10 months after surgery.  Today reminds me that I've got a long way to go, and in truth, it will never really be "done".

Even once goal weight is achieved, I'll have to be diligent to maintain it.  I will still need to work on my body's health, conditioning and strength.  I will be taking massive doses of vitamins and other supplements for the rest of my life.  I will always have to pace myself when I eat to avoid the problems of clumping and dumping.

I will always be a weight loss patient.

Easter, New Beginnings...

...and a new lease on life


Holy Week was busy and hectic, musically and otherwise.  I began the week singing with a church choir where I've been assisting as a soprano reinforcement.  Springtime where I live is challenging in some ways because of allergies, and my hay fever has started to give me a little trouble.  Compounding this issue is the fact that my allergy pill of choice is no longer available in the U.S.  (Thanks so much to all the Meth Makers of America, for using good medicine to make bad poison, thus making my particular good medicine impossible to get now.)  So last Monday and Tuesday I spent the day at home with snotty nose, sore throat and cranky disposition.  If I'm not careful, allergy congestion can settle and become an infection, either going into nose and ears or down into throat and chest.  So I stayed home and treated my symptoms the best ways I knew how.

Those 2 crash and medicine days helped enough to get me through Holy Week and Easter services with my voice more or less intact, for which I am grateful.  It's been cooler and wetter here than normal for springtime.  We actually concluded the Good Friday service outside in a chilly, misting rain.  After being "in-between" churches for a long time, it was wonderful to participate in these services and to share music with this choir and church family.

So much for the musical and spiritual life portion of this post.  On to the shrinking portion.  My Easter dress was a size MEDIUM!  Most people would not recognize this as anything especially important, but plus-size and/or formerly plus-size folk know that to fit into a size medium is a big deal indeed.  And the dress I chose was an actual springtime color, a medium blue knit with short sleeves, ankle-length, with a tie at the empire waist.  I had ordered it online from a clothing line I've worn and loved for years, from my largest size until now.  The color I wanted was not available in the size large that I thought I needed, so I prayed and ordered the medium.

I had an "epiphany" moment when I got to church and saw myself in the full length mirror inside the choir robe closet.  The dress not only fit me, but it looked really nice.  Smooth, not clingy or bunchy anywhere, no lumps, bumps or bulges showing.  It didn't even look like me!

But there I stood, looking at myself, not looking like myself...at least, not the way I used to look.  I know this post has focused a lot on the visual aspect of shrinkage.  The thing is, the outside appearance is just a visual sign of what is happening on the inside.   My body is getting healthier and stronger.  My hips and ankles feel so much better.  My heart and lungs have a better chance to work the way they are supposed to.

Springtime, and Easter especially, bring the hope of renewal, revival and a fresh start.  And that is what weight loss surgery has helped me to find, a fresh start and the hope of renewal for my health.  I am so grateful for the chance to regain a healthier life, not just for me but for the people I share my life with.        

Joyful Noises

Lots of music going on right now

The next few weeks are going to be filled with music, both practicing and performing.  And while it's a commitment of time and energy, it is also one of the things I was born to do.  Mama always said when I was born I "came out singing"!  I have no memory of singing at my birth, obviously.  But I have been singing pretty much my entire life for as long as I can remember.

For the past few weeks I've been rehearsing with a local church to sing with them during Holy Week.  My friend who sings with them told me that they were looking for a soprano reinforcement for Holy Week services.  My first service singing with them was this morning's Palm Sunday service.  The choir is small but dedicated and I am enjoying my time with them.  This week we will rehearse on Wednesday for services on Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday and Easter Sunday.  With my normal chorus practice on Monday night, it's going to be a full week.

Tuesday night is my college choir's home concert which concludes their annual spring break tour, and I look forward to hearing and seeing them perform.  Many of my music fraternity students are in the choir and they have posted tour updates on Facebook.  I was an 8-semester member of this same choir when I was in college, and memories of my own tour experiences have been flooding my heart and mind as they have shared theirs.  Giving up our spring break every year to go out on tour and recruit for the college might seem like a sacrifice to some people, but it never really did to me.  I got to experience such wonderful moments of musical and spiritual inspiration, strengthening the bonds of friendship, growing in leadership and service, laughing and crying and singing.

Always singing.

There have been times in my life when I have let my singing go for long periods, rationalizing that I didn't have the time/energy/inclination to do it.  After Mama died I didn't sing for a long time.  My heart was not in it.  Before I knew it, 11 years had passed since I'd sung with my chorus!  I am so grateful that they took me back and let me sing again.  It's an honor I hope never to take for granted.

More music follows Easter, with a ladies club meeting I have been asked to do a program for on that Wednesday, dress rehearsal on Saturday for my chamber group's annual spring concert on Sunday, as well as a solo in both services before the chamber group concert.  The week after that is rehearsals for the big chorus's engagement performing the Verdi Requiem with our city's symphony orchestra.  That is a 2-night gig, but I am only singing the first night because the second night, 2 of my music fraternity students are performing their junior/senior recital and I don't want to miss that.

What an abundance of joyful noises I get to be a part of, either by singing or by listening!  And what a blessing to be able to do so.  I will pray for the strength and energy to do all of this while maintaining my day job and trying to eat healthily during the crazy rehearsal and gig schedule.  God is good and will take care of me.  He always has.

Psalm 13:6---"I will sing unto the Lord, for He hath dealt bountifully with me."

  

Tests, Trials And Temptations

Updates from recent doctor visits and testing

The results from my Slam-O-Gram came in the mail, and The Girls have a clean bill of health!  Everything there was "negative/benign" according to the evaluation, so, barring any unforeseen issues, I don't have to go back for a year.  Unfortunately, my iron check was not quite as good.  While taking the iron supplement has helped and my iron level is improved, I am still deficient/anemic, so I have to continue taking the extra iron until I get my 1-year labs drawn at the end of May.  And I will run by Dr. Awesome's office this week to get my liver panel rechecked since some of those levels were "a tad elevated" at my physical in February.

My weight plateau seems to have broken, in part most likely due to a visit from The Cramp Fairy.  It was not a particularly heavy period this time, but it was more than just spotting, and enough to trigger a 4-day headache once it was over.  My uterus is confused and so am I.  Anyway, I skipped pounds 114 and 115 and went straight to a total of 116 pounds lost to date.  I was told prior to surgery that the weight loss would slow down, so it doesn't surprise me.  It can be annoying, but I just have to stick with the plan and be patient while this last leg of the shrinking phase happens.  I have gone through way too much and come way too far to let anything derail me.

The trial of the Valentine's Day candy frenzy came and went without too much hooplah.  But the Easter candy craze has special significance and comes with more temptation, in the form of Reese's Eggs.  My Mama loved  her some Reese's Eggs (which was a little odd, since she didn't have any special fondness for the peanut butter cups that were around all year).  So the eggs were something she and I would share around Easter.  Once she became too ill to do her own shopping, I would stock her up on them, and the last Easter before she died, I bought her a big bunch of the 6-egg trays, some for right then and a lot to freeze and enjoy later in the year.  When she died in December, there were a lot of leftover eggs still in the freezer.  Dad wasn't eating chocolate and would never eat them, so I gradually worked my way through them over the course of the next year.  I even took one to Mama's grave right before Easter the first year she was gone, sat at her grave talking to her and eating my Reese's Egg, almost like a little picnic.  I was glad the cemetery was deserted because if anyone had seen this little repast they would have called the men with the white coats to "come and get this crazy fat lady talking to herself and eating chocolate!"

The Hubs knows all about my history with Reese's Eggs and why they are so special, and he very thoughtfully bought one for me the other night.  Only one, not a package, which was the thoughtful part.  And I ate it yesterday while I was at work, half in the morning and half later on.  I enjoyed it, the flavor and texture...but most of all, I enjoyed the memories of all the times Mama and I shared them.

So I yielded to a little temptation.  That is going to happen from time to time.  The difference now is that I stopped at one and was satisfied with that.  After Easter is over, the eggs will be gone for another year, but other temptations will always be around.  Stepping on the scale and seeing 116 pounds gone from my body is a big motivator to stick to the plan most of the time, and to return to it quickly after those moments when I stray a little.

Tricks Of The (Shrinking) Trade

Some things that are helping me along the way


A famous, former talk show hostess has a list of her favorite things.  We all have our favorites, items that make life easier, more comfortable, more pleasant.  As I have walked down the weight loss surgery preparation and recovery path, I've discovered, or rediscovered, a number of things that have helped to make the process better, smoother and more bearable.  So, in no particular order, I wanted to share some of those items and tips here.

1)  Chili is my friend.  Both now and during the soft-food diet phase, I have found chili to be a nutritious and tasty source of protein and fiber.  These days there are many good canned chili brands on the market, and a number of them are fairly low in fat and contain substantial amounts of protein and fiber.  I mean, really, meat and beans?  A great safe choice for weight loss patients.  Just read the label and watch for too much fat and sodium.  If you make chili at home you can control the ingredients and tailor it to your own taste buds as well.

2)  Diet V-8 Splash.  My favorite flavor is the Tropical Blend.  According to their website:  "Each 8-ounce serving has only 10 calories. Diet V8 Splash has 2 grams of sugar and 3 grams of carbohydrates per serving. An 8-ounce serving of Diet V8 Splash is a free food exchange according to the Exchange Lists for Meal Planning, 2003 by the American Diabetes Association and the American Dietetic Association."  A serving also provides 100% of daily recommended vitamin C.  I like it because it counts toward my daily liquid intake, gives me a zing of citrus and it's very good at masking the flavor and smell of the massive horse pill vitamins I need to take now.  There are other flavors to choose from as well.

3)  V-8 Vegetable Juice Cocktail, low sodium.  I have enjoyed V-8 all my life, whether I've been trying to shrink or not.  It is an easy and flavorful way to get liquid, some healthy carbs and a few servings of vegetables. An 8-ounce serving has 50 calories, 140 mg of sodium, no fat, 10 grams of healthy carbs and 2 grams of protein.  It's filling and tasty, and since I am not supposed to snack until I have reached goal weight, it also provides a way to tame my growly stomach between meals.  It's also a good source of fiber.

4)  Oberto Barbecue Pork Jerky.  A 1-ounce serving has 90 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 7 grams of carbs and a whopping 10 grams of protein.  I like the barbecue pork flavor because it is softer and less dry than other jerky varieties, and easier to chew.  It also has a bit of a baconesque quality from the seasoning that I find really satisfying and delicious.

5)  Diet drink sticks.  Weight loss patients have to stay well hydrated and drink at least 64 ounces of liquid daily.  Flavored water counts toward that daily total.  There are many brands such as Crystal Light in countless fruity and tea flavors.  Since I am off of all caffeine now, I like to mix a decaf tea flavor and a lemonade flavor together in a 32-ounce bottle, which will last me more than half the day.  Decaf tea flavor is a little less common, but it is available and worth hunting for.  I like the sticks for their small, single-serving size and portability and, much like with pain medication, I never leave home without them!

6)  Various creature comforts.  Comfy pajamas are indispensable.  Especially during the immediate post-op and recovery phase, I needed snuggly sleepwear to cradle my sore, painful body as it healed from surgery.  The rest of the time, I need cozy pj's to help me unwind from the crazy, hectic pace of the world around me.  Ditto for things like scented bubble bath and aromatherapy items.  Things like that can really enhance one's mood with a sense of calmness and well-being.  Comfortable, properly-fitting undergarments are also important, especially in the shrinking process.  Underwear and bras that fit correctly help to hitch things up and pull them in, which helps clothes on the outside to fit the way they are supposed to.  Even if "granny panties" are your undies of choice, they still need to fit properly.  Nothing much ruins an outfit like lumps and bumps from a way-too-big pair of drawers!

These are just some of the things that are helping me in the shrinking process.  Documenting the journey is also helpful, as I've been doing with this blog.  Lots of people document the process with photographs or a video diary.  For me, sharing my journey in writing seemed like the most natural choice, and I've been surprised how much it has actually helped me to work some of my "stuff" out.  Like the process of shrinking, the writing is also a work in progress, a path...a journey.  And it may be contributing to my health and wellness just as much as the weight loss is.