Pain, Posture, Perspiration, Purging and Poop
Yes, the Diva has had her first post-op bowel movement! It feels like a monumental occasion for which one might hire a string quartet, or at least a bluegrass band. In all seriousness, after any surgery, it is very important to make sure that the bowel is not sluggish once the anesthesia begins working its way out of the patient's system, because a sluggish bowel (or ileus) can cause a host of other complications. At the hospital everyone was just asking if I had "passed gas" yet, because there was not enough in my intestinal tract to make anything more than air. Since my bowel sounds were good, they agreed to release me. That was Friday, and it has taken until today, Monday, for the "monumental movement" to occur. (And it wasn't really all that monumental...it just felt that way.) Mama would be so proud! She was an extremely regular pooper.
I've been dealing with some pain from various sources since surgery, and that is also to be expected. Back pain has been a stubborn issue because I've been unable to lie on my side when I sleep or rest, which is a major drag since I am a side sleeper. So my back has been taking all the pressure, all the time. The Hubs helped me get a shower last night, and as tiring as it was, having him clean my back with my favorite scented scrub felt fantastic! And even though it tired me out, it made me feel a lot better over all, and I think the warm water did a lot to loosen my sore muscles. Later last night, an ice pack felt really good jammed up against my sore back. I may do that again tonight if I need it. Today I have napped and used a pillow to support myself on my sides and that has been really helpful. I hope that this posture boost will allow me to get a decent night of sleep.
I have also noticed that my body temp seems to fluctuate pretty widely as I sleep because I am waking up sweating fairly often. This may be due to a combination of factors: purging the many IV bags of hospital chemicals from my system; the surge of hormones that we are told will occur once we have undergone the weight-loss operation; just my own age and tendency toward night sweats anyway. I am 48 and I have been suffering night sweats on and off since I was 30.
My dreams since coming home have been unusually vivid, even for me, and their wildness may bring something to bear upon the sweating as well. That, I figure, has GOT to be related to getting the chemicals out of my system, and as such, I hope it settles down a little over time. Right now I just feel like a sore, sweaty, pajama-clad mess...but that will also pass. Considering all that's been done to my body in the past week, I think I am getting along pretty well, Lord willing and knock wood!
Monday, June 11, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Be It Ever So Humble...
There really is no place like home
Came home from the hospital Friday afternoon, after a 2 and 1/2 day stay. I will not lie about how I feel. I am sore, my neck especially has been bothering me. And I have a painful place on my lower right side that has made me unable to lie on my side for sleep or rest, so my back is bothering me because it is really tired and sore from being the only spot to lie or lean on. But it has been great to sleep in my own bed again and it's very liberating to be able to go to the bathroom without an IV pole in tow!
Now for some surgery nitty-gritty. I had undergone abdominal surgery twice before. The first time was in 1977, shortly before my 13th birthday. My symptoms made the surgeon think my appendix was the trouble. It turned out that I had an ovarian cyst that had ruptured and, since it was on the right side, the appendix was the natural assumption. And he did remove the appendix since he was in the neighborhood. The second operation was in January of 1995 when my gallbladder (and 15 marble-size stones!) were removed. As a result of these previous surgical adventures, my surgery on Wednesday took longer because my doctor had some significant adhesions (scar tissue) to deal with before he could get to the actual business of my weight-loss procedure.
In addition to these considerations, weight-loss surgeries generally come with the installation of a drain. Of course, I was still under anesthesia when the drain was installed so it was nothing for me to be concerned about. The removal of the drain was something else entirely. I won't lie and say that it was a breeze. It was unpleasant. Had I known just how uncomfortable it would be, I might have asked for conscious sedation for that couple of minutes! Seriously. The good news is that it doesn't take very long for the removal. Still, some twilight sleep or nitrous oxide or something mind-altering would have been nice.
I had lots of nice visits while I was in the hospital,as well as tons of phone calls and text messages checking up on me, which made me feel very much loved and cared for. Flowers and balloons and a goody bag with journal, prayer box and cool pen (shaped and painted to look like a brunette Diva!) are on my coffee table here at home, and their fragrance and color remind me what wonderful friends and family I have been blessed with.
The Hubs has been the most excellent caregiver I could ever have asked for. He has been concerned, patient, loving and supportive throughout this whole thing. Not just the hospital and recovery, but the months beforehand during medically-supervised weight loss and CPE. So even though I feel kind of crappy right now, I realize how very much I have to be thankful for. The crappy part is all stuff that (I hope!) is going to pass soon. The blessed part is what will last.
Came home from the hospital Friday afternoon, after a 2 and 1/2 day stay. I will not lie about how I feel. I am sore, my neck especially has been bothering me. And I have a painful place on my lower right side that has made me unable to lie on my side for sleep or rest, so my back is bothering me because it is really tired and sore from being the only spot to lie or lean on. But it has been great to sleep in my own bed again and it's very liberating to be able to go to the bathroom without an IV pole in tow!
Now for some surgery nitty-gritty. I had undergone abdominal surgery twice before. The first time was in 1977, shortly before my 13th birthday. My symptoms made the surgeon think my appendix was the trouble. It turned out that I had an ovarian cyst that had ruptured and, since it was on the right side, the appendix was the natural assumption. And he did remove the appendix since he was in the neighborhood. The second operation was in January of 1995 when my gallbladder (and 15 marble-size stones!) were removed. As a result of these previous surgical adventures, my surgery on Wednesday took longer because my doctor had some significant adhesions (scar tissue) to deal with before he could get to the actual business of my weight-loss procedure.
In addition to these considerations, weight-loss surgeries generally come with the installation of a drain. Of course, I was still under anesthesia when the drain was installed so it was nothing for me to be concerned about. The removal of the drain was something else entirely. I won't lie and say that it was a breeze. It was unpleasant. Had I known just how uncomfortable it would be, I might have asked for conscious sedation for that couple of minutes! Seriously. The good news is that it doesn't take very long for the removal. Still, some twilight sleep or nitrous oxide or something mind-altering would have been nice.
I had lots of nice visits while I was in the hospital,as well as tons of phone calls and text messages checking up on me, which made me feel very much loved and cared for. Flowers and balloons and a goody bag with journal, prayer box and cool pen (shaped and painted to look like a brunette Diva!) are on my coffee table here at home, and their fragrance and color remind me what wonderful friends and family I have been blessed with.
The Hubs has been the most excellent caregiver I could ever have asked for. He has been concerned, patient, loving and supportive throughout this whole thing. Not just the hospital and recovery, but the months beforehand during medically-supervised weight loss and CPE. So even though I feel kind of crappy right now, I realize how very much I have to be thankful for. The crappy part is all stuff that (I hope!) is going to pass soon. The blessed part is what will last.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
The P's of Life...
...Preparation, Pain, Pee, Puke and Provision
This time tomorrow my surgery will be over! Glory, Glory Hallelujah! Can I get an "Amen"?!
Surgery day is upon us! After midnight tonight I am to have nothing by mouth to prepare for tomorrow's festivities in hopes of, among other things, not experiencing nausea or vomiting as I wake up from anesthesia. I've had that happen and it is MOST unpleasant.
I've been put to sleep 4 times, and I vomited twice coming out of it. The first incident was after my gallbladder was removed. Imagine, if you will, coming out of a hazy state with 4 newly-poked holes in your belly, lying flat on your back and puking like a champ. I don't recommend it.
The second time I yakked after surgery was with my wisdom teeth, and I yakked with such gusto, that I also peed my pants. (Yes, it is OK to laugh, because it is funny. I think it may have the makings of a sitcom episode someday.) And I did not take any pain medication with me to the appointment because I knew they were going to send me straight to the pharmacy for medicine immediately after surgery. And they did. However, it snowed that day, and even though the roads were not dangerous, there was extreme gridlock. So what should have been a 45 minute drive from the oral surgeon's office to the pharmacy turned into about 4 hours of creeping, crawling agony. Imagine again, if you will, the anesthetic (from having 4 impacted wisdom teeth jackhammered out of your face) gone before you even leave the office, and when you emerge from the office to the parking lot, all there is, is snow and crawling traffic as far as the eye can see. And because you've peed your pants, you ride home not only in excruciating pain but also with a cold, wet tushy. Talk about adding insult to injury! Fortunately a nurse gave us a trash bag for me to sit on so I wouldn't soak the car seat. I thought that trip would never end. The Hubs, I am sure, felt the same way. We can laugh about it now...sort of.
And this, boys and girls, is why I never leave home now without hydrocodone in my possession or on my person. NEVER. Accidents happen. Falls happen. Pain happens, and never when it is convenient. So now, I am of the "It's better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it" school.
Because I won't be able to take large pills for a while after surgery, this time I have been prescribed a liquid hydrocodone to use for pain. The nurse says it takes effect more quickly and lasts longer than the pill form. I hope not to need much of it while I recover, but I ain't gonna white-knuckle really awful post-op pain. I will take medicine if I need to. I know from working with hospice patients that it is easier to control pain before it gets too severe than it is to relieve it once it has reached the "oh-dear-Lord-I'm-in-the-worst-pain-of-my-life" stage.
I expect to feel really crappy for a few days. But when I think about all I've been through preparing for this step of the journey, I am amazed at how God has provided what I have needed, when I have needed it. He got me through the withdrawal from caffeine and carbonated drinks, which was not a fun process. He enabled me to do my overnight sleep test the night before my CPE interview and to be accepted into the unit. He got me through the barium swallow test without more puking!
He has given encouragement from family and friends for not only my weight-loss surgery but my writing as they have read both the blog posts and some of my writings for CPE. And He will provide what I need going forward. Maybe not exactly how I might expect, but He will take care of me. He always has.
This time tomorrow my surgery will be over! Glory, Glory Hallelujah! Can I get an "Amen"?!
Surgery day is upon us! After midnight tonight I am to have nothing by mouth to prepare for tomorrow's festivities in hopes of, among other things, not experiencing nausea or vomiting as I wake up from anesthesia. I've had that happen and it is MOST unpleasant.
I've been put to sleep 4 times, and I vomited twice coming out of it. The first incident was after my gallbladder was removed. Imagine, if you will, coming out of a hazy state with 4 newly-poked holes in your belly, lying flat on your back and puking like a champ. I don't recommend it.
The second time I yakked after surgery was with my wisdom teeth, and I yakked with such gusto, that I also peed my pants. (Yes, it is OK to laugh, because it is funny. I think it may have the makings of a sitcom episode someday.) And I did not take any pain medication with me to the appointment because I knew they were going to send me straight to the pharmacy for medicine immediately after surgery. And they did. However, it snowed that day, and even though the roads were not dangerous, there was extreme gridlock. So what should have been a 45 minute drive from the oral surgeon's office to the pharmacy turned into about 4 hours of creeping, crawling agony. Imagine again, if you will, the anesthetic (from having 4 impacted wisdom teeth jackhammered out of your face) gone before you even leave the office, and when you emerge from the office to the parking lot, all there is, is snow and crawling traffic as far as the eye can see. And because you've peed your pants, you ride home not only in excruciating pain but also with a cold, wet tushy. Talk about adding insult to injury! Fortunately a nurse gave us a trash bag for me to sit on so I wouldn't soak the car seat. I thought that trip would never end. The Hubs, I am sure, felt the same way. We can laugh about it now...sort of.
And this, boys and girls, is why I never leave home now without hydrocodone in my possession or on my person. NEVER. Accidents happen. Falls happen. Pain happens, and never when it is convenient. So now, I am of the "It's better to have it and not need it than need it and not have it" school.
Because I won't be able to take large pills for a while after surgery, this time I have been prescribed a liquid hydrocodone to use for pain. The nurse says it takes effect more quickly and lasts longer than the pill form. I hope not to need much of it while I recover, but I ain't gonna white-knuckle really awful post-op pain. I will take medicine if I need to. I know from working with hospice patients that it is easier to control pain before it gets too severe than it is to relieve it once it has reached the "oh-dear-Lord-I'm-in-the-worst-pain-of-my-life" stage.
I expect to feel really crappy for a few days. But when I think about all I've been through preparing for this step of the journey, I am amazed at how God has provided what I have needed, when I have needed it. He got me through the withdrawal from caffeine and carbonated drinks, which was not a fun process. He enabled me to do my overnight sleep test the night before my CPE interview and to be accepted into the unit. He got me through the barium swallow test without more puking!
He has given encouragement from family and friends for not only my weight-loss surgery but my writing as they have read both the blog posts and some of my writings for CPE. And He will provide what I need going forward. Maybe not exactly how I might expect, but He will take care of me. He always has.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Me and my STD...
...that's Short Term Disability (you perverts)!
Very few times in my life have I ever had to deal with things that made me feel like an actual grown-up. (Obviously there were times during Mama's illness when I felt like an adult, although after she died I felt more like a child, and an orphaned one at that.) The experience of being rear-ended and my car being totaled gave me a crash course in adulthood. When I had my gallbladder removed at age 30, then broke my leg and both sides of my ankle a couple of years later, there were things to take care of that made me feel like an adult. And now the surgery coming up in 4 days has reopened those feelings.
It was not the wreck or the surgeries that stressed me out. It was dealing with my insurance company! And for this short-term leave, it seems like there are a lot more details, and many more possible ways for me to get shortchanged. Payroll for my job was taken over by an out-of-house payroll processing company several years ago, so we no longer have an on-site payroll person to go to if there are errors with our paychecks. For a brief period my company had also decided that a benefits coordinator on-site was unnecessary, which resulted in a LOT of problems with employee leaves and pay. I guess the powers that be decided that it would be less expensive in the long run to have a benefits coordinator in the building rather than outsourcing that position as well. I am grateful someone has been in town and in the building to talk to when I have had questions.
I don't speak "insurance" well, and I never have. It might as well be Greek or Klingon or something. I realize that I need to have a better understanding of how the whole health insurance process works. All I know is, I go to the doctor and if I owe them something, they bill me. If I have overpaid, I get reimbursed. That part I can grasp. All the other stuff about deductibles and out-of-pocket costs and whatnot...I try to focus, truly, but something shiny comes across my field of vision and I get sidetracked! I'm not proud that I seem to lack the ability (or the inclination) to process such information more easily and thoroughly, but I am what I am, and what I am when bombarded with this kind of minutiae is bored. I can't help it.
Maybe during my leave I can sit down with all the collected invoices and letters and try to make sense of them. Maybe I can find an online tutorial called "Health Insurance for Dummies" and absorb the information that way. Whatever the case, I am just blessed and grateful to have health coverage, even with all the details that don't quite make sense to me. Without insurance, the only detail would be that I could not afford the surgery to begin with.
So I am looking forward to my STD. Four days and counting. Weight-loss surgery and STD now may very likely prevent long term disability later on.
Very few times in my life have I ever had to deal with things that made me feel like an actual grown-up. (Obviously there were times during Mama's illness when I felt like an adult, although after she died I felt more like a child, and an orphaned one at that.) The experience of being rear-ended and my car being totaled gave me a crash course in adulthood. When I had my gallbladder removed at age 30, then broke my leg and both sides of my ankle a couple of years later, there were things to take care of that made me feel like an adult. And now the surgery coming up in 4 days has reopened those feelings.
It was not the wreck or the surgeries that stressed me out. It was dealing with my insurance company! And for this short-term leave, it seems like there are a lot more details, and many more possible ways for me to get shortchanged. Payroll for my job was taken over by an out-of-house payroll processing company several years ago, so we no longer have an on-site payroll person to go to if there are errors with our paychecks. For a brief period my company had also decided that a benefits coordinator on-site was unnecessary, which resulted in a LOT of problems with employee leaves and pay. I guess the powers that be decided that it would be less expensive in the long run to have a benefits coordinator in the building rather than outsourcing that position as well. I am grateful someone has been in town and in the building to talk to when I have had questions.
I don't speak "insurance" well, and I never have. It might as well be Greek or Klingon or something. I realize that I need to have a better understanding of how the whole health insurance process works. All I know is, I go to the doctor and if I owe them something, they bill me. If I have overpaid, I get reimbursed. That part I can grasp. All the other stuff about deductibles and out-of-pocket costs and whatnot...I try to focus, truly, but something shiny comes across my field of vision and I get sidetracked! I'm not proud that I seem to lack the ability (or the inclination) to process such information more easily and thoroughly, but I am what I am, and what I am when bombarded with this kind of minutiae is bored. I can't help it.
Maybe during my leave I can sit down with all the collected invoices and letters and try to make sense of them. Maybe I can find an online tutorial called "Health Insurance for Dummies" and absorb the information that way. Whatever the case, I am just blessed and grateful to have health coverage, even with all the details that don't quite make sense to me. Without insurance, the only detail would be that I could not afford the surgery to begin with.
So I am looking forward to my STD. Four days and counting. Weight-loss surgery and STD now may very likely prevent long term disability later on.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Less is More...
...except when it isn't
Weight loss comes with some paradoxes that have never made much sense to me. Now, with surgery a week and a half away, I seem to be thinking more about those paradoxes. And I'm remembering some moments from my previous successes with shrinking, brief as they were, that bothered me.
I suppose the most obvious paradox is that "Losing is Winning!". Television made that paradox literal with the program, "The Biggest Loser", where the person losing the most weight during the show's season wins a boatload of cash for their efforts. I won't bore you with my opinions about diet and exercise for profit, either the contestants' or the television network's. How they choose to go about the process is up to them. I will say that I heard (from a VERY reliable source) that the show's executives/producers urge those contestants to try to look as bad as possible in their audition tapes and in the first few episodes. It makes the contrast at the end of the season much more vivid... and it's just good television.
Then there is the whole attitude that "Less is More". Having been a plus-size lady for most of my life, I can speak to this with some authority, particularly regarding how American society views plus-size people as invisible...but once we shrink, all of sudden, we are indeed visible. During my last major weight loss many moons ago, I had some weird moments. For example, people who had never given me the time of day before started coming out of the woodwork, suddenly interested in hanging out and getting to know me better.
Why? Why was I suddenly worth talking to when I had not been worth it before? I was the same person I had been 50 pounds ago. I had been right there under their down-looking noses all along. All that changed was how I looked.
If I seem to have a chip on my shoulder about this, I do indeed. Because of my own weight and size issues, I have always been very aware of how often people are judged solely based on appearances. Being a singer has both helped and hindered me in this regard, because people halfway expect classically-trained singers to be a bit zaftig. Just not too much. It's a thin line between "curvy-cute" and "gobby fat".
I've walked on the wrong side of the fat thin line for a long time. And the paradoxes will continue to intrigue me. Less body weight for me will indeed mean more strength. So by losing, I will gain, and win.
Weight loss comes with some paradoxes that have never made much sense to me. Now, with surgery a week and a half away, I seem to be thinking more about those paradoxes. And I'm remembering some moments from my previous successes with shrinking, brief as they were, that bothered me.
I suppose the most obvious paradox is that "Losing is Winning!". Television made that paradox literal with the program, "The Biggest Loser", where the person losing the most weight during the show's season wins a boatload of cash for their efforts. I won't bore you with my opinions about diet and exercise for profit, either the contestants' or the television network's. How they choose to go about the process is up to them. I will say that I heard (from a VERY reliable source) that the show's executives/producers urge those contestants to try to look as bad as possible in their audition tapes and in the first few episodes. It makes the contrast at the end of the season much more vivid... and it's just good television.
Then there is the whole attitude that "Less is More". Having been a plus-size lady for most of my life, I can speak to this with some authority, particularly regarding how American society views plus-size people as invisible...but once we shrink, all of sudden, we are indeed visible. During my last major weight loss many moons ago, I had some weird moments. For example, people who had never given me the time of day before started coming out of the woodwork, suddenly interested in hanging out and getting to know me better.
Why? Why was I suddenly worth talking to when I had not been worth it before? I was the same person I had been 50 pounds ago. I had been right there under their down-looking noses all along. All that changed was how I looked.
If I seem to have a chip on my shoulder about this, I do indeed. Because of my own weight and size issues, I have always been very aware of how often people are judged solely based on appearances. Being a singer has both helped and hindered me in this regard, because people halfway expect classically-trained singers to be a bit zaftig. Just not too much. It's a thin line between "curvy-cute" and "gobby fat".
I've walked on the wrong side of the fat thin line for a long time. And the paradoxes will continue to intrigue me. Less body weight for me will indeed mean more strength. So by losing, I will gain, and win.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Today is the First Day of the Rest of My Life...
...and of the "very low calorie" pre-packaged food phase
I turned 48 on Sunday and, after months of medically-supervised weight loss and months of CPE, I celebrated the day by napping, watching some DVRed television I hadn't been able to get around to watching, and more napping. I've been pretty sleep-deprived so the napping felt especially good. Lots of Facebook friends posted birthday wishes on my wall, and I have to admit, it is nice to be remembered, even in a 2-second-cyber kind of way.
I'd be remiss if I didn't share the story of my birth as it was passed down to me by my Mama. I was born on May 20, 1964, a Wednesday morning, at 11:57 am. Mama always said that her labor with me was short, about 4 hours, and that by the time Dad got her to the hospital all Dr. Shouse had to do was "catch" me as I emerged. During part of her labor, Mama had to wait for Dad to get ready to face the world by doing all of his "S's" (s**t, shine, shower, shave, shampoo). Then she made his breakfast, after which he drove her to the hospital for Dr. Shouse to put on his baseball mitt and make like a catcher. Mama always said I was born singing. I always figured that, since I was a week overdue, I more likely came out complaining that I'd been awakened from a nap and asking for something to relieve the headache I am sure I had from the moment I was conceived. Pretty inauspicious beginnings, but really, what could I have done to change it?!
Monday was "meals with friends" day. I went to support a friend going through a hard time on Monday morning and afterward several of us enjoyed a nice lunch together. Then I went home, curled up with the dog for yet another nap! Bliss! When The Hubs got home, he and I met another friend for supper. I chose healthy options at both meals, except lunch was probably too carb-heavy.
Yesterday was all about the last few pre-op appointments. I had an appointment with the sleep center to go over my CPAP use and instances of apnea since my last checkup with them. After that I had a little free time before going to pre-register for admission and surgery at the hospital where I will undergo my procedure. I spent that time at my favorite Christian bookstore, browsing and enjoying the quiet atmosphere there, and purchasing a few books to commemorate CPE and surgery. (I will admit to being a geek in that I often buy books to celebrate/mark an occasion/reward myself for some accomplishment.) Then off to the hospital I went for pre-registration.
My final stop was at the weight-loss center for my supply of pre-packaged, high-protein, very-low-calorie foods for the final 2 weeks before surgery. I began that regimen today and as a result, I am hungry, tired, headachey and cranky. The stomach growls returned today with a vengeance. I know, though, that this won't last long and it is an important step toward a worthwhile goal. The Hubs asked how I got along today and I was honest about feeling hungry and irritable. But I also told him, "I can do anything for a little while." And I can.
The time is going to fly by, and 2 weeks from today I will have the surgery that is going to change my life. It's a little strange to try to wrap my head around how close it is now. God has been so gracious in this journey and I am so grateful for the many times in my life when He has given me a second chance. That is what this surgery feels like, a second chance...to regain a healthier body, to relieve the aches and pains that have crept up on me in the last few years, to make the most of the life I have left. Most of all, it will help me to serve Him more effectively, capably and joyfully. After all He has done for me, I can surely deal with some hunger pangs.
I turned 48 on Sunday and, after months of medically-supervised weight loss and months of CPE, I celebrated the day by napping, watching some DVRed television I hadn't been able to get around to watching, and more napping. I've been pretty sleep-deprived so the napping felt especially good. Lots of Facebook friends posted birthday wishes on my wall, and I have to admit, it is nice to be remembered, even in a 2-second-cyber kind of way.
I'd be remiss if I didn't share the story of my birth as it was passed down to me by my Mama. I was born on May 20, 1964, a Wednesday morning, at 11:57 am. Mama always said that her labor with me was short, about 4 hours, and that by the time Dad got her to the hospital all Dr. Shouse had to do was "catch" me as I emerged. During part of her labor, Mama had to wait for Dad to get ready to face the world by doing all of his "S's" (s**t, shine, shower, shave, shampoo). Then she made his breakfast, after which he drove her to the hospital for Dr. Shouse to put on his baseball mitt and make like a catcher. Mama always said I was born singing. I always figured that, since I was a week overdue, I more likely came out complaining that I'd been awakened from a nap and asking for something to relieve the headache I am sure I had from the moment I was conceived. Pretty inauspicious beginnings, but really, what could I have done to change it?!
Monday was "meals with friends" day. I went to support a friend going through a hard time on Monday morning and afterward several of us enjoyed a nice lunch together. Then I went home, curled up with the dog for yet another nap! Bliss! When The Hubs got home, he and I met another friend for supper. I chose healthy options at both meals, except lunch was probably too carb-heavy.
Yesterday was all about the last few pre-op appointments. I had an appointment with the sleep center to go over my CPAP use and instances of apnea since my last checkup with them. After that I had a little free time before going to pre-register for admission and surgery at the hospital where I will undergo my procedure. I spent that time at my favorite Christian bookstore, browsing and enjoying the quiet atmosphere there, and purchasing a few books to commemorate CPE and surgery. (I will admit to being a geek in that I often buy books to celebrate/mark an occasion/reward myself for some accomplishment.) Then off to the hospital I went for pre-registration.
My final stop was at the weight-loss center for my supply of pre-packaged, high-protein, very-low-calorie foods for the final 2 weeks before surgery. I began that regimen today and as a result, I am hungry, tired, headachey and cranky. The stomach growls returned today with a vengeance. I know, though, that this won't last long and it is an important step toward a worthwhile goal. The Hubs asked how I got along today and I was honest about feeling hungry and irritable. But I also told him, "I can do anything for a little while." And I can.
The time is going to fly by, and 2 weeks from today I will have the surgery that is going to change my life. It's a little strange to try to wrap my head around how close it is now. God has been so gracious in this journey and I am so grateful for the many times in my life when He has given me a second chance. That is what this surgery feels like, a second chance...to regain a healthier body, to relieve the aches and pains that have crept up on me in the last few years, to make the most of the life I have left. Most of all, it will help me to serve Him more effectively, capably and joyfully. After all He has done for me, I can surely deal with some hunger pangs.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Inside The Window...
...or Through the Looking Glass?
I am inside the one-month window until my surgery! I can barely believe it is so close now. As surgery approaches, my choral group's concert season and my unit of CPE are coming to an end. These things are all somewhat bittersweet for me, especially CPE.
Within the safety of my CPE peer group I have found acceptance, support and love as I have completed the unit, learned how to minister and listen better, and worked toward getting my healthy habits established prior to surgery. These people, all of whom I now consider to be friends, have contributed so much to my life in these past few months that I find myself at a loss as to what I am going to do without their weekly presence in seminar and PPI (personal and professional identity, the part of class when we speak freely and with no specific agenda). And the real surprise is that I am already thinking about when I can do another unit! As tired as I've been during the unit with so much reading, writing, nights on call and extremes in emotion, it has still given me much more than it has taken out of me.
Next week I go in for the big 4-hour diet class. The Hubs will go with me because he will be helping me during my recovery from surgery. I expect another weigh-in at that time and I am trying/praying to shave off a few more pounds between now and then. At this class they will probably also start my "extremely low-calorie pre-surgery diet" which will no doubt be...challenging. But it's temporary until surgery, and then everything will change.
Everything.
I don't pretend that I'll sail through surgery and recovery, and I don't expect that this process is going to be easy. What I do look forward to is beginning the transformation, experiencing the world and myself in new ways. It will be a journey unlike any other of my life, much as CPE has been....rigorous, unfamiliar, exhilarating and a step toward a larger goal.
Through the looking glass indeed.
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